Last night I realized it’s 2026.
It suddenly occurred to me that I have memory of almost anything that happened in 2022 or 2023 or 2024 or the first half of 2025. My mind is nearly blank.
I can remember the pandemic and slightly before it. But the next few years feel so empty, almost as if they didn’t even happen.
Here’s all I could come up with:
That’s all I can remember. No real progress. Nothing big.
Then towards the end of 2025 something flipped. A switch went off and I was filled with a sense of purpose the likes of which I’ve never felt before.
I’ve always been driven by a vision but the vision felt so far off, no matter how far I’d come. Every step I made, it moved a step further.
I started to realize that I was wasting my life trying to achieve stability while only half living in my own skin. My English classes and my music were two different suits I wore and I tried so hard to keep them separate.
I remember a distinct moment where something shifted. A decision on both conscious and unconscious levels that I would devote myself entirely to what I came here for and stop waiting for it to be safe.
I always thought I was lacking was discipline but what I really needed was something closer to devotion or conviction.
The feeling went from “I wonder how I’ll make this happen” to “Id y there’s a way to make this happen without sacrifice my ideals I’ll find it and if I can’t I’ll get as far as I can and let life do what it wants with me”.
I can’t say that I was 100% convinced I would succeed. It no longer mattered if I succeeded or not. It’s kind of like how a table is a table and it tables no matter what you or it or anyone says.
I became an artist who arts no matter what without any need to even think of myself as an artist.
I became a fire that fires no matter what is going on around it. If the rain comes heavy enough or if the firewood runs out, it disappears but until then it’s a fire unconditionally.
This wasn’t a realizing of my purpose. It was a decision made with absolutely no room for doubt. I gave myself no room to run because I realized that I have been approaching a crossroads where I would have to choose how important this is to me.
I stopped thinking about the future to a large extent. I still plan and try to have some savings, but the idea of waiting any longer to prioritize my passions became simply absurd. I cashed out a big portion of my investments much earlier than I planned in order to buy all the equipment I’d need to record and play what I want to play live.
Fuck any future that would have me wait to do what I came here to do.
I didn’t cash out everything and I didn’t quit my job. But I quit having a social life and instead decided to turn my passions into my social life.
By playing more music I could simultaneously have a social life and promote my work while living my passions.
This wasn’t around a year ago.
And so last night I made a list of all I’d accomplished in a year and I was shocked.
Between August 2025 and August 2026 I…
That’s a pretty insane list. It’s as if I took 2 years of music school and had a part time job as a songwriter/performer on top of my regular grind.
But the most baffling thing is how it didn’t tire me out at all and I wasn’t even pushing myself all that hard for most of it. I actually felt more energetic than I’ve felt in years. I could have done twice as much given the time I had if I had pushed myself because I was excited and focused and practical about every thing I did.
So when I look at some of my goals for the next year, it looks like a lot but when I compare it to last year it’s completely reasonable.
It looks like so much but it really isn’t compared with how much I’ve achieved this past year. Totally doable with this level of excitement and focus.
Back to work.
The voice of the trees
