Back when I started playing shows, I was a mess. I could hardly play guitar, but I felt that if I didn’t force myself on stage, I would never get to a level where I could ever perform comfortably.
I got in a habit of apologizing profusely. Many mistakes were noticeable and so there was no getting around it. “This is my second show.” “This is my fourth show.” “I’ve just been playing for a year.”
People clapped and cheered like hell back then. They might have thought it was cute, “he’s doing his best”, or that I was admirable for pushing myself beyond my ability. “I couldn’t get on stage after just playing for a few months. Good on him.”
And so I got all this attention and support for “doing my best”.
The truth is, if I stayed as bad as I was, I think people would continue to find me endearing and support me...but it would have always been out of pity. You know that guy, the one who trips over his own feet that you can’t help but feel sorry for. You want to buy him a drink if he’s nice, don’t you?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Hell, if I had a distinct career path that I could easily define and felt good about it, I probably wouldn't mind it at all myself. If I felt content to sit back and let others create masterpieces without that pull to try and do so myself, I would be happy just to have the stage.
It’s the same when you are young and have less money than the people around you. People may want to help you out. They will pay you more for what you do because they know you are struggling. They’ll be more willing to help you out. It’s only natural.
And if you are doing your best and still struggling, it’s a great thing that people can show kindness and being appreciative is really the best way to be. You’ll get through it and reach a new level eventually.
If you aren’t giving your best, well, life has a funny way of kicking your ass.
It’s almost as if people can subconsciously feel how you see yourself, and unknowingly reward you for being consistent with the image you have of yourself.
You might be able to live forever on money and support that comes from pity. It’s probably the easiest way to succeed in life.
But in the back of your mind, if you know that you are capable of better, this will eventually eat away at your soul and make you as bald as I am.
When you suck, you get love easy. When you rock, you get love easy. In the middle though, it’s brutal as hell. That’s where nobody gives a shit. That’s where the soul grinding takes place. That’s where you get tempered into the gem you know that you are. When no one is looking.
For someone who is happy being another face in the crowd, being “OK” is OK. It doesn’t tear you up inside, and you fit into your place in the world so people understand you.
Being another face in the crowd, and I suggest anyone who wants to be something more learns the humility in being able to accept NOT being special. Some people just want to enjoy the company of those they love and contribute at work and have a simple life. That is ok, if it gets you out of bed every day.
But there are those of us who are motivated by change and movement and potential. We see what things can be and want to transform them. We may be under a false impression that we like fame or attention or power, but if we extract it to its core, we find our deepest desire is just as simple as creating the best that we can create.
For someone who knows that they are capable of greatness, mediocre is worse than terrible. Being OK is worse than being bad. Being decent is worse than embarrassing. It’s almost counterintuitive, but in the middle, there is no pity, and so if you don’t bring your best, you leave no impression whatsoever. For anything that takes time though, passing through no-mans-land, where you are insignificant as fuck, is the only way to reach greatness.
At some point, you realize, it’s not that you aren’t doing a decent job. You are just too fucking good to be so damn decent, and so other won't recognize you for your decency because at some level, they probably know that you are capable of much more
If you are only capable of decent, then decent output is going to lead you just where you need to be, and it'll all feel good. It won't even feel decent, it'll feel good. Life will treat you well enough. You will feel fulfilled. But if you are capable of creating magic, the same level of performance is going to leave people disappointed in you, but not nearly as disappointed as you will be in yourself.
Go big or go home.
This doesn't mean you need to feel like shit about yourself. It's really all good. In the end, we leave this world, and that's that. We just do what we can do and then do our best to feel good about it, whatever it looks like.
Even being decent is worthy of respect and you should feel good about whatever you can achieve in life. There is no reason to put more pressure on yourself than you can handle. Sometimes it's ok to give up. It's just about being able to channel your energy towards what you want to channel it towards.
There is beauty in living a simple life, but if you are called to greatness and decide to answer the call, greatness is going to be pretty fucking disappointed if you don’t show up.
I can’t blame the society one damn bit for failing to understand me, I’m crazy enough to think that I can influence which direction it moves. If I have enough conviction and give it everything I have, I know that I can. Anything less than that and I’m just a fucking dreamer. Both are fine and good. I'm just here to enjoy a few decades and so I want to make the most of it, that's all.
Giving it everything you have doesn’t mean you have to be perfect or better than anyone else, either. I still suck at guitar, but if I really bring everything I have, I can put the audience in a trance with a single chord and the right improvised vocals. That’s my magic. And even if I can't move the crowd, but I manage to move myself, that's also a job well done. Even if I mess up, there is almost always another chance.
This model seems to fit me consistantly in many fields. I’m not someone who fits the typical idea of “talent” or “genius”, but I can absolutely slay at almost anything I’m doing through simplifying things down to their core essence and focusing on that.
I’ve better get to it and get out of the habit of fucking around.
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Thank you to the ass-hat who mocked me for showing some mediocrity and pulling this out of me today. I'm not ashamed of my mediocrity but I know I can do better, and so I need people to tell me every once in a while. No one poops gold every day, but you’ve reminded me that I can poop more gold than I’m pooping and probably more than most.
Really appreciate you, for way more than your fat fucking upvote. You've done a good job at helping to shape this tiny world we call home and have had an impact on way more people than you could ever keep track of. Hope you read this. ❤️
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