So what have I discovered this time? I've been discovering that people like to supervise you even though they are not the boss. I know I do is sometimes too but I know why and trying not to do it. I do it because I've been excluded so many times and I felt that I wasn't needed or liked. These feelings are still there but I'm trying my best to come over these feelings of excluded and lonely. After I feel a little ashamed over that I've done that because I don't want others to know or experience that.
I've met people who do this to control you, both coworker and family members, which is not okay. First time I experienced it with a coworker was some years ago, but he wasn't a nice person and would manipulate you into thinking he was your friend and later stab you in back. I hated it. I felt powerless and made me so stressed out I become sick and my body was burnt out. Too bad, I'm kinda in the same situation atm at my current job but this time it's not that awful but I feel it. So I'm trying to avoid that person at my job. Maybe I'm ranting while writing this but the other day I got information about my coworker from another coworker of mine that the one that's always checking on me was sitting inside doing nothing while I was working my ass off outside in the pouring rain. That coworker was not happy. This information gave me a lot because it explains why this coworker is constantly checking on me or looking down on me even thou I do my best at what I'm doing. the coworker that saw the lazy one was not really pleased and when the other coworker got information through me that the lazy one was shopping work clothes were not really that thrilled about that info either.
What I've figuring about these kinds of things is that people usually do these kinds of things, like controlling, because they are lazy and want others to do to their job so the can chill. I don't like these kinds of people because it reminds me of the life I left behind two years ago and it is hitting me with full force in my face. I'm feeling sad and betrayed that people do this. I'm sorry this has become a ranting post. It keeps me thinking that my coworker has been lazying around while I've been working. I never have seen the working progress only when we are meeting for a few seconds each day. I just feel sad, very sad. This makes me believe that people do not work only playing around and let everyone else do the job.
Because of this, I don't want to be hired by other people or companies. I want to be my own, be own by myself. Do my own thing. I know what I want to do but to get there I need the money and time, mostly money. But I know the goal and what it could lead to. Freedom
Thank you for your time :3
Love,
Sarfine
