Everything needs to be changed because everything is wrong. The feelings, those who exist and those I don't know to exist at this moment. I feel disconnected from everything. The feeling is there but I can't give them names. It feels like the curtain is closed and I'm just like a shell. Filled with everything I need but I don't know how to connect with it.
I talked to my therapist about this who told me I have feelings but I don't know how to name them. All my life I have only been able to address these negative feelings because that's what has always been focused on and not the good ones. It's hard to do that fast because I'm not very used to knowledge these new feelings.
These last months, maybe since December or January, I've done a lot of progress with my inner journey. Which is both frightening and a positivity one, but I have seen my own progress even though it has only been small steps in progress. I will only see it when I look back.
When I look at other people I meet on the street or bus I wonder how they do to have connections to all their feelings and if they have any issues and so on. You see I'm curious if I'm the only one who has these kinds of issues. I've of course read on different pages for people who have a similar experience so I know there are people out there who are like me. Maybe someone close to me has been through a similar situation like me but haven't spoken to anyone about it. What I've learned from the years is that you think it's your own fault for all the things that happen and that you are somewhat afraid about the things that happen to you and that you don't want people to know. You feel ashamed and afraid that you would be judged and abandoned because that is what you have learned all your life, to feel these negative feelings.
People who are outside really don't know what to do, not saying everyone is like that, but just listen if you don't know, don't judge, lend an ear or a shoulder, give a hug. Discuss what the person wants to do in the situation, try to help.
With this, I just want to tell how it was for me and how it is at this moment. I'm sorry for my low update but I'm working and have only the weekends available to write and most of the time I'm resting and taking care of myself.
Love and hug,
Sarfine
