Feeling Lost is the First Step to Being Found

Einstein said that "two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe", and I have to say that I agree. I am not here to call other people stupid, but I certainly feel that way myself sometimes. Lately, as one can see, it has been more often than not.

Ultimately, feeling lost is akin to feeling stupid. I mean, as an adult of almost 40, I know what I should be doing with my life. I know where I should be and where I should head, but how to do those things I haven't a clue.

So, what does one do when they feel as they have no options, no opportunities or are without direction? It makes me think of this one time I was in the grocer store and my eldest was about 4. I had found the way to the candy aisle and my son had been having a decent day. I was feeling happy with some money in my pocket and so when he asked me for some candy, I took him out the cart and let him have his pick of the aisle.

He walked up and down the aisle, looking and getting somewhat frustrated. I wasn't sure why. I asked him to hurry up after about 5 minutes of him failing to make a decision. Then, around the corner came this older woman. She appeared to be Muslim, as she had a scarf on her head, but I wasn't sure and I didn't ask.

"Excuse me," she said as she tried to go around my cart that I had carelessly left in the middle of the aisle. I moved the cart and apologized, then turned to my son again and told him to make a choice, he had one minute.

"Too many choices makes no man happy," the woman said to me.

"What was that?" I asked her, motioning for my son to hurry up already. We had spent nearly 10 minutes in the aisle as it was time to get going to his karate class.

The woman looked at me and she told me that she was raised to give boys less options. She told me that the world didn't give us unlimited possibilities, we were lucky that we got one choice above another. She held up two candies, a fruit stick, Mambas, I think and a snickers bar. She handed the to me, "here, offer him these and see which he chooses."

I called him over and I said that I had found two I thought he would like and asked him which. He chose the Snickers and got in the cart and we went on our way.

I was raised that options were a good thing. Make more money, get more options. More money, that meant more opportunity. I was always taught that you had possibilities when you created them and I hadn't thought to think about things any other way. It seemed silly to me that we had just stood in an aisle for nearly 15 minutes simply because I didn't place a limitation on my son. In the end, the woman was right. He simply got overwhelmed.

When Life Gives You Too Much, Cut Down What You Don't Need

Over the years, I have learned. Options and opportunities, as it turns out, are usually endless in American society. The challenge isn't finding what you can do, it is what you want to do. We don't usually have to worry about losing everything, not really. Sometimes it may feel like it, but with effort, I have seen even the most broken find their way again.

Now it is my turn.

I look around and I see so little options at first in my life. I mean, I am nearing 40 and living in a tent in the backyard of my own house. It sounds silly. I could just move in and tell my ex to suck it up. I could disrupt my kids lives and move them states away. I could just get my ass in gear and work harder. Of course, in the morning, when I wake up I have this overwhelming feeling of dread that fills my chest. I haven't done art or written since we have been homeless. I haven't done most of the things that I have planned on doing. The more I consider which direction to go though, the more I realize that I have so many options right now, simply because I am not tied down. Making the right decision is the hard choice.

That is where I look at the fractions of the universe, I can see that in all of the possible timelines and realities to choose from, I simply need to make a choice and then move forward. Having things taken away is hard. Of course, we all know this to be true. What is more difficult though is picking ourselves back up again.

I won't lie. I don't know what I am going to do next.

I know the solution is more simple than it seems. Years from now, I will probably look back and think, I overcomplicated things on my own. Hindsight is 20/20 though and for now, I am okay with taking it slow. To a point I am also desperate to get out of my current situation, and that can definitely cause a panicked induced decision. No good.

Nope, it is now time to find a plan, a cause, something... to motivate me to move forward. I realize that it isn't a lack of options before me, it is a lack of motivation. Thankfully, once identified, I know how to work with that.

Now time to decide...

First to think...

I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for reading!