#Compromising Candor
You don't notice it right away,
the absence of feelings that are left when you finally numb the pain.
Numbing ourselves every day,
learning new coping skills,
hoping that the next one kills.
Until the scratching eviscerates the last sanctions of sanity in your brain.
Finally, it gets so bad that you'll reach for anything.
That isn't how it is at first.
When you're young, your emotions are raw and tender.
The littlest things cut so deep and you wonder how you manage.
But you heal.
You move on.
You live and you find something like imagination, friends or music to help you get along.
Always thinking that it is better.
It will get better.
And it does, for a minute.
But it never takes long for the universe to reconsider.
Happiness is one of the easiest things to shatter.
When you're cut down, it's so that you can grow stronger.
Eventually, there is so much buried down deep,
there are only so many secrets that you can keep,
there are only so many nights that you can cry yourself to sleep,
that eventually...
you begin to slowly creep...
inside yourself, buried beneath so much shit.
You consider calling it quits,
overdosing or slitting your wrists,
you consider yourself not enough until you look out and realize that maybe it's not just you.
Other feel this way too.
This whole humanity thing is just some perfume sprayed onto a garbage heap and there is no saving it.
So you turn your anger outward,
crying out at the universe to get their ass back here.
You scream to those around you that do nothing,
calling them,
"Filth"
"Bitch"
"Coward"
How hard is it to understand that we're all in this together?
That if only half of us would take a stand,
lend a helping hand,
working together we could elevate pass this unlucky hand.
We can get mad and blame god, or we can play God,
every single one of them.
It doesn't matter if this colossal joke is all a part of their cosmic plan.
At first, life seems so long.
The years just sort of hunker on,
leading in a boring fashion into the next.
It seems like forever until you'll be 8, or 12 or 16 or 21.
Then, you'll pass that magic number,
and it's slightly different for all of us.
But then you'll look around at your choices, your deciions, they won't add up.
You'll think to yourself, "Oh dear, what have I done?"
You'll be certain that you've wasted your life.
You'll surely know that you're a shitty person.
You're an unfit husband.
You're a lousy wife.
You can't do anything right.
You'll feel this way, but I promise, if you can last through the night...
you'll wake up rejuvenated, elated even,
because you'll realize, nothing is stationary.
This world is changing constantly and the one thing that is constant is that you must not fight.
I promise it will be quick but it won't be painless.
It never is.
But you'll also realize that you've lived.
It's okay.
You've got this.
You always will and you always did.
