Each day, I am reading 2 pages of Charlotte Mason's Towards a Philosophy of Education. I have made a new healthy habit this month. I decided to follow our book club's reading system. Charlotte Mason was known for short lessons and narration as a method of teaching. I have been using this approach to my kid and have seen good effects on her. Figured it's about time I also try the same approach to my learning.
Anyway, Chapter 5 is all about The Sacredness of Personality. I talked about giving the highest regard to children on one of my previous posts. It simply means that we should not condescend our children, thinking that they might not understand us when in reality children's brains are powerful enough to digest and understand every information that they feel is necessary for them.
Continuing on my reading, this part of the book discusses how the
principles of authority and docility are limited by the respect due to the personality of children which may not be encroached upon whether by the direct use of fear or love, suggestion or influence, or by undue play upon any one natural desire.
I've learned that the worst thing that we can do is to subdue their personality by treating them as chess pieces, moving them as we please to make them reach the outcome we want them to achieve. But did you know that there are other ways that we hinder our children's personality to shine? I mean really shine?
We all know of using fear as a method of disciplining children. I grew up learning to obey because of fear. It has been effective for a while. But fear only made children follow orders blindly. They learn to not question authority even if they have a different mind about it. Because of fear, they learn to follow blindly lest they get in trouble. It sure is an obvious way of preventing their personality to shine.
There is another more effective way of letting the kid's personality shine. It's love. But we have to be very careful in this regard too. I watched a video before explaining how when a child aims for their parents to love them, they end up showing only their good side. Kids love hearing their parents say "Oh, my kid is such a nice little girl." or "Great job for having high grades, kid." They feel good when they know they are loved so they end up showing only their lovable features.
Another way to stifle a child's personality is through suggestions. Though the power of a parent's suggestion may have subtle effects on their child, too much use of this may cause dependence, hence them ending up in waiting for their parents' suggestions as opposed to them blurting out what is on their mind, showing them who they really are. Our parents did not know how their suggestions may have impacted our personality. Those subtle hints about what they want us to be when we grow up, or what course they want us to take when we go to college, or who to marry. It all started with them saying small suggestions like "I think blue looks much better on you." Then we start believing what they have suggested, then we start waiting for their suggestions when we make big decisions in life.
Almost like suggestions, influence is another factor that impacts the way a child lets their personality show. Unlike suggestion, influence does not directly call for an action, it just almost automatically makes the one being influenced do whatever it is that the one they idolize does. That is one of the challenges of a charismatic teacher. Their learner end up trying to either please their idol, or emulate and imitate them. The more they idolize and try to copy that person, the more they lose their personality. If this continues for a long time, children end up becoming a grown up in the likeness of their idol.
For the longest time, these 4 things - fear, love, suggestion, influence - have been great tools that help in teaching children. It worked on me. I have teachers whom I idolized, I feared some, I loved some, and others I carefully and watchfully wait for their thoughts and suggestions. It's difficult to find who you are when you are a grown up after following these different kinds of teachers. I think it is all the more critical when the teacher is the parent. I am glad I ran into these readings and it is helping me in finding better ways to approach the principle of authority and obedience to my child. Sure it still is challenging, but at least I have the ammunition that I need in this marathon called homeschooling. If you got up to here, hopefully, this helps you too both in parenting and homeschooling your child.
