Today I received a yellow flower, and something inside me made me look for the reasons why people usually give each other flowers of this color on this date.
Perhaps I knew at some point, but today I feel that I am completely unaware of it or am finding it difficult to remember. Nothing that cannot be researched to confirm the instincts that led me to think that its meaning varies depending on the person who gives it to you.
Firstly, it reflects the beginning of spring, something that people see as a good time to meet that person who can change your life in a positive way and who may hold your hand to follow the path of life without letting go, or at least that is the intention.
This ranges from friends, siblings, a beloved family member, and even your current partner. I'm sure my boyfriend did it with the intention of making me smile today, since I haven't been doing so lately, at least not sincerely.
I searched the Internet and it mentions that it's the beginning of spring in the north (March 31st is in the south and yellow flowers are also given). I remember that on that previous date I also received a yellow flower. I was working at the pharmacy, a place I thought would be my home for a long time.
Today, this daisy has filled me with feelings. Yesterday, I was completely filled with bad thoughts, tired, very frustrated, and yes, heartbroken. I guess I was in autumn or maybe winter.
I don't know, I can only say that last night's alcohol allowed me to literally forget everything, although I usually avoid it so as not to fall into an unnecessary vice that can cause much more trouble in my life than it already does.
I forgot that it was September 21 and that I had to give a yellow flower to the person who has somehow stayed by my side as the foundation of my temple and has stood firm without hesitation. Well, even if I wanted to, I couldn't do it because of limitations, but I would have liked to reciprocate in the same way.
I know we are both frustrated, tired, and many other things that sometimes make us think that enough is enough. I have thought about it many times and even pressed the off button, while he always tries to turn it on.
There are many things in life that I simply ignore, but I think I haven't lost sight of wanting second chances in terms of striving to achieve something, trust, having my work valued, and people putting aside their egos or their usual negative thinking.
But I'm starting to think that none of that will ever happen. I've been believing that the abuser gets a second chance and that the person in the middle of the confusion is simply guilty forever.
I've honestly tried many times, and I refer to Hive, to being here, for example. The solution in the first instance would be to solve the problem, but if you do that and no one sees it or ignores it, what am I really doing?
Well, I'm going to accept this daisy today. Tomorrow is another spring day, but I still feel like I'm living in autumn and a little bit of winter.
I'm about to reach eight uninterrupted years at Hive, but I'm seriously considering leaving. Maybe that's enough time for me, I don't know, we'll see.
