This article, I must confess, is for guys. There are aspects that can apply to women as well but I had written this from a guy's perspective.
Without beating around the bush, I will go into the meat on this one because the guys who fall for this kind of title are either desperate or genuine in their pursuit, you have to decide which one are you!
Talking to my friends I have realized that they have made the whole thing about dating a very complex issue. Even when they manage to go out with a girl they return with a feeling that it could have been much better.
This article is not only to help you get your first date with that someone, but also to keep that interest going, growing. Let me sum up this article into pointers that you can jot down in your head. These are quintessential if you ever want to date, make the whole experience pleasant and make happy everyone involved:
• 1. Don’t expect, EXPLORE
• 2. Confidence
• 3. Spontaneity
How many times have you heard people say “book was so much better than the movie?”, unfortunately, we carry this attitude to other avenues of life with us, and dating is no exception. We set expectations and this is the first spoiler of a potentially enthralling experience.
What is the anti-dote?
Don’t expect, explore.
Do not meet anyone, whether on a formal date or a sub way chat, with an expectation. I don’t know what it is with girls but they can sniff out when a guy comes with expectation or a concealed agenda. Playboys, Casanovas may think that they have played well while in reality they were just being played with. Most girls, especially those one night stand types, cannot be played with, if they are letting you, then you know who the player really is. I am assuming you are not looking for a one-night stand, for that you don’t have to read this, just go out and find someone desperate.
If you are looking to build a relationship that is meaningful, irrespective of the length (expectation) then you have to adopt the attitude of ‘exploring’. When the attitude shifts from expecting to exploring your game plan changes - first it will ‘un-confine’ your horizon. Expectation is like the chain that confines your horizon, when you don’t have this chain tying you, there is excitement for both of you. Attitude of exploring also equips you to face rejection because rejection also becomes a new ‘experience’ rather than a humiliation.
This will keep our self image intact and makes us ready for another exploration without any damage to our ego. When you expect, even a ‘perfect’ date becomes boring because you had already lived that experience before and are ‘acting’ out during the actual date. One of the authors, in his advice to new writers, said “if you already know the story, why write it?”
He meant that even the author should be the first reader of his story not a dictation taker.
Same is true for us, the experiences that happen should be new to both of you. This has magic in it, if you both can feel it, you know you are on track. In exploring everything counts but nothing hurts. In expectation everything that does not count hurts.
Without expectation, you will be given what I consider THE most important attribute that separates a docile lifeless ‘nervous guy’ from an energetic, upbeat, full of life, wannabe anything guy - confidence.
Even the most gorgeous girl cannot resist a man who is average on looks but has un-surmountable confidence.
Confidence is for girls in guys what looks are for guys in girls. Confidence can be so easily confused for arrogance. Confidence is not self-praise, it is not stating your superiority, it is not showing that you are in control. NO. This is where guys go from interesting to annoying. Confidence is subtle, it is a way. It is not what you say or do but the way you say or do that shows confidence.
You can pick her in your wreck or a Benz - it doesn’t matter, all that matters is how you do it - not what you do.
No girl in her rightful mind will put up with a guy who is arrogant on the first date. Be confident, not arrogant.
Confidence is knowing that no matter what happens you are going to handle it well while arrogance is thinking that what you do IS good/acceptable. Confidence is a way of doing things knowing that the end result is going to be good no matter what it is, while arrogance is thinking that you cannot go wrong, KNOW that difference and you will do amazing.
Exploring attitude gives you confidence, confidence in turn lets you to be spontaneous.
If confidence gets you your first chance, spontaneity gives it continuum.
A nervous guy can never be spontaneous, he is always conscious of whatever is that he is saying or doing. A confident guy is spontaneous. If we can make spontaneity a habit - many relations can be saved from turning boring.
A word of caution here, don’t be arrogant but if you have to be arrogant be arrogant but NEVER NEVER, NEVER be predictable. If you are predictable you are boring and girls will do anything to avoid the ‘boring’. Predictability is also an indication of a ‘MASK’ of confidence - a person who is really confident from inside out can afford to be confident but a person who is only wearing a confidence mask cannot help but be predictable and this is a ‘kiss of death’.
Another word of caution - if you have seen movies and read novels, you know that the ‘Hero’ does crazy things and girls find it ‘spontaneous’ - this is because it is FICTION - in fiction humans experience what they cannot in their real life.
Time out.
In real life, on a first date, if you do crazy stuff, you will not only lose chance with the girl that you managed to go out with but also with any other girl in her known circle. If you both click, you can be arrogant sometimes and let her be bitchy other times. You can do crazy things, or should I say, you SHOULD do crazy things but for now, please reserve your wild side.
So there it is, do not let the simplicity of above statements fool you, going out with opposite sex is simple and we need not complicate it anymore than required. Explore, be confident and be spontaneous. You will do good. Not just in dating and relations but in life as a whole.
