I was raised by my father to be self-sufficient and independent. To work for myself, pay for myself and be the captain of my own ship.
South African men assume things about me all of the time. Because I'm a woman, mostly.
I live in a country that is extremely patriarchal, outdated and ignorant about women's rights and male privilege.
Our South African government has just declared gender violence a national disaster. That's how bad it is out here.
You can't even blame the men around here for the situation. We South African women are equally guilty of being ignorant about male privilege and all of the imbalance that comes with it.
Mostly, South African men assume I am superficial and that I want to be taken care of financially. This couldn't be further from the truth.
In fact, not once in my life have I been taken care of financially by a man. Even when I was married.
I am also a far from superficial and hung up on how I look. I even shaved my head down to a number one a couple of years ago just to take a break from the hair down to my ass and to have more freedom.
Men finally began to treat me as an equal and I loved it.
I have been single for 9 years now and am only recently trying to date again on Tinder. I can't even get beyond most of the hellos, because I find most people superficial these days.
Perhaps it is more of an age thing as well. I am 55 years old now, used to being single and I'm set in my ways.
But what I am looking for, is also not often found. I am looking for a balanced, harmonious and equal interaction and it just seems impossible to find in the country I live in.
Mostly, I have dated international men who are more educated on gender bias and who are more equal when it comes to home admin and financial participation both.
I would prefer to be treated like a man, quite frankly. I prefer being respected to being pursued for sex. But perhaps that is me being ignorant of the challenges men face in our society as as well.
And I would love to hear from the men out there.
Men also assume I am less intelligent than them. South African men, I mean.
All in all, if I am to be treated as though I am a superficial, gold digging idiot I think I might stay single for a while longer.
Mercifully, the sex toy part has fallen away with my now distant youth.
But somewhere out there is another educated, life experienced, gender balanced man and I still hope to meet them one day.
With eyes wide open.
聽
"Keep on keepin' on" 馃挏
Almost Fully Human
Beta than before
Maybe
...
聽
Images mine and edited with Photoshop
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