"Man cannot remake himself without suffering for he is both the marble and the sculptor."
- Alexis Carrel
Sculptors sculpt on stone and marble, a potter requires clay or mud. Destiny, however, requires human subjects, and with the tools of adversity, it creates a warrior...
At present, three of my dear friends are going through relationship problems. Two of them are married, and one is in a long-term relationship, planning for marriage. As mentioned before, they often come to me with their problems; looking for a solution.
But, who am I to intervene in a person's relationship? No one! Yet, they trust my views and suggestions for some reason.
Even if I look at both parties and listen to their perspectives, I will never be able to see or experience what they've experienced, all things considered. I'm an empath, I have no doubts there, but even empathy has its limitations. Also, what people mostly share, or feel comfortable sharing, is only the tip of the iceberg.
We're all human, adult males, and we are of the same age, holding almost the same mindset too, but our pain tolerance quite certainly isn't the same. How it affects us physically or mentally, is completely innate and subjective.
Two of them are quite emotional, one in a pessimistic and doubtful way, and the other is quite rageful. The third, and most experienced one, has a big ego problem.
But, they all ask the same question, again and again...
"Why me?"
ᴵᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵒᵛᵉʳᵃˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗ ᵃʳᵉ ᵐʸ ᵒʷⁿ ᵘⁿˡᵉˢˢ ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵐᵉⁿᵗᶦᵒⁿᵉᵈ
Through life's lessons, we learn, getting struck continuously, with the chisel of wisdom and a bespoke set of adverse circumstances.
And with these lessons, we can choose to either sculpt ourselves, or to demolish.
The younger version of myself would have appreciated a guide to facing adversity and life's lessons. Yet, I also know that my younger self would've fully disregarded that guide, and stored it in an old and dirty cabinet instead. I probably wouldn't even have a glimpse at the first page haha.
However, thanks to my ignorance, I've had to learn it all the hard way; from first-hand experience.
Sometimes, I do wish, if only I had a mentor, or even a friend who was wiser than me. Someone who could've prepared me for the challenges and hurdles that lay ahead. Someone who'd be there for me during my toughest times. After a few man-to-man lectures, a bit of pep talk, and some tough love, maybe, finally he'd break through, and be successful in constructing my thoughts and making me realize that...
This too shall pass...
Close to a decade ago, I used to ask the same question. Why me?
Now, I say why not?
Life isn't all about happiness and sweet memories. Life is scary, it's unpredictable. Just when you think that you have plans and dreams, life will present itself quite abruptly, tear your dreams and hopes into shreds, and introduce a plan of its own.
Times will be tough, and the path ahead will be rough and overcast. Yet, if you decide to look at the bright side, realizing that all of this is temporary, then there's hope. Focus on building yourself up, and look for solutions, don't question or avoid your hardships. It is what it is, there's no hiding. So, the best thing then and there would be to look for solutions and learn from these experiences.
It's because of the deprivation of happiness, we cherish it so...
As they say...
Tough Times Never Last, But Tough People Do!
Yet, sometimes I am glad, that my lessons weren't sugar-coated. When life was packing a punch, it didn't decide to hold back.
I failed in every aspect of life, my health, money, academics, relationships, friendships, and long-standing fights and disagreements with family members. I've seen it all. Now, after having survived for close to three decades, I realize that I made an unnecessary fuss out of it all. Because at the end of the day, I had absolutely no control over these matters.
I've gone through all of my tests and phases of character development before the age of 21, and I'm glad it all happened sooner, rather than later. I know more challenges lie ahead, but hopefully, from here on, instead of saying "Why me?", I'll prepare myself well, and just go "Here we go again!"
And just as I learned it all the hard way, I guess my buddies are destined to face the same fate.
Because...
“Unearned consciousness is valueless” - David Deida