I’ve lived through moments that left me heavy. Times when I gave my all to people who never gave anything back. It wasn’t about entitlement. I simply believed that loyalty and sacrifice should be honored with loyalty in return. What I found instead was betrayal.
Being in relationships is not something that have been easy for you. Trust and patience are what it requires. My case, I have never considered friendship to be a numbers game. People who cherish relationships mean the most to me. People who understand that love and friendship thrive through mutual respect. A person can be better known when one has witnessed his/her concerns and indifferences. Then you get to know if the paths are meant to cross.
I used to give everyone a chance. I avoided judging too quickly. I believed in people, even when I had little reason to. But that trust often broke me. Again and again, I was let down.
I often think about the story of the scorpion and the frog. The frog agreed to the scorpion's ride to the other bank of the river. But in the middle of the trip, the scorpion stung the frog. On the frog's asking why, the scorpion said, "It is my nature." the story is an allegory of the world. There are individuals who will hurt you not because you did something to deserve it, but because that is their nature.
Once I grasped that concept, I changed my view completely. Going against my nature I stopped to push relationships and I limited them. My range of people reduced, but became more stable. I learned to distinguish not only the weaknesses but also the strengths of the people I were close to. Most importantly, I have not felt the sensation of others being bound to me. If I support someone nowadays, whether it is with cash, a place to lean on, or a simple act of kindness, I don't expect to get anything back. Letting go of those expectations gave me peace of mind.
One of my hardest lessons came through a close friend who went into politics. I stood by him from the start. I gave him my energy, time, and loyalty. I wanted to see him win. And he did. He became our representative. I thought my sacrifice would mean something. But I was wrong.
Success changed him. The same man who once called me brother turned cold. He denied me recognition and honesty. He acted like I was never part of his story. I was shocked. I was hurt. And I regretted ever putting so much faith in him.
That treachery made me feel shattered and empty. However, it pushed me to acknowledge one fact: people are not predictable. At times the ones that you rely on the most are those that will give you the hardest emotional shock.
I witnessed this lesson through my father's experiences as well. In the 1990s, my dad was full of goodwill towards his coworkers, he was very generous with his time and shared his knowledge to promote their career advancements. He invested 'his money' in them. But the people he nurtured and cared for were gone when he was in need. The friends he trusted walked away from him. I noticed the agony in his gaze, and it haunts me till now.
In order to experience these events, I had to understand love and loss. Loving means that one gives, is vulnerable, and has faith. Unfortunately, love, most times, will result in heartbreaks because of betrayals, breakups, and deaths. Nevertheless, though it hurts, it also educates. It helps us become aware that there are no certainties and everyone has imperfections.
Death is not the only thing that grief is about. Losing trust, relationships, or losing parts of yourself are some of the things that grief talks about as well. At the beginning, grief is like a tempest that will never subside. But it teaches with time. It helps you recognize the people that are still there for you. It keeps you in mind that you should not take anyone for granted.
Betrayal is not the end of my story that I do not see it anymore. I see it as a lesson instead. I learned that no one is obliged to give me anything. I learned to give without expecting anything in return. I learned that loss, although a very painful one, can make us grow stronger.
The lessons still resonate with me today. Basically, the people I usually surround myself with are fewer in number but I always count on them to be loyal. I have also become more stubborn and independent. I do not expect anything in return from the people I provide support to, in fact, it makes me feel good. Love and loss are two experiences that will always be intertwined in one's life journey. However, they do not necessarily have to devastate us.
They really can be our tools. Love and loss can help us to be the people of the qualities of patient, resilient, and grateful. Even when things are at their worst, life listens very closely and it still keeps telling you that there is more to come. That love gets to exist. That every loss has something to teach if we are willing to see it.
When I think of the heartbreaks and disappointments, I do not just see the pain. I perceive growth. It's also quite clear to me that the growth is from a stronger and higher self. This person is one who still wants to love but does not link it with high hopes.
Life is indeed not designed to be devoid of suffering. It implies to live the pain to its full extent. To love with an open and vulnerable heart, even if the last thing you wanted was to lose. And it is also about getting wisdom from every step, the happy and the sad ones.
