Today is our enrollment, and so I woke up much earlier than usual; however, I slacked off while prepping, so I still ended up arriving much later than our agreed time. By the time I arrived, there were already many students lining up and filling out the forms. I thought getting the form would be a lot of work, but it turned out the opposite. After filling it up, I passed it together with my classmates’ enrollment forms, and thankfully after that, I was just waiting in summary. The waiting time was quite long, plus I’m standing, so it’s quite tedious, really. I was contented standing there for a while, until I saw what I looked like. I look oddly still while standing…like I don’t blink usually, so most of the time I look like I’m frozen, plus the dark circles on my eyes are not helping.
I look akward.
In short, I looked weird, so to break the weird pose I was unconsciously doing, I scrolled down the reels, and it wasn’t long before I got hooked on it. While doing that, I happened to watch a person talking about things—things that I usually just ignore. But out of boredom, I watched and finished it, and it’s all about why people procrastinate. Of course, he started with the usual reasons why we procrastinate, but what really hooked me is when he talked about this not-so-usual reason, and that is we procrastinate because we find the thing we’re about to do too valuable to just do immediately. At first, my mind didn’t understand that because…huh? Is that supposed to be the other way around because if we value the thing that we’re about to do, we don’t leave it for later? Like it's so important to you, so you prioritize it? Anyway, I scroll past it when the guy is done stating those reasons. It doesn’t make sense to me at that moment, so I just set that musing aside.
Itadakimasu
Lunch came, and I treated myself to a slightly out-of-my-budget meal—it’s not expensive, it’s just above my usual lunch budget, plus I’m nearing broke right now. By the time I got full, I decided to just go home, and since I’m budgeting and also I want to exercise, I walked my way home. While walking, that musing suddenly came up again. I think about that reason, and that time I realized some sense of what he said. I remember that there are times I procrastinate because I feel that if I rush things, I’ll end up messing it all up. I don’t trust myself—the version of me at that time—so I leave that thing for later, hoping that my future self will do it much better. This feeling of self-doubt was mostly hidden because even though I don’t show it, I’m quite a prideful person. I hate it when people see my doubts and lows, so mostly I just mask it with indifference and partly laziness.
Like a dough, I need to let it rise, really a dough?
So, do I really procrastinate because I value it? Yes, I do, especially if it’s an art project. But would procrastinating make the outcome better? I don’t know. I’m not really keen on comparing results, but I felt more relieved and satisfied with the work I procrastinated on. I felt that I spent more effort in doing them—like the effort to procrastinate it further while also making sure it won't end up as a failure. And that’s it...supposedly I envisioned this as a 200+ word reflection, but again I overshared.
Like I always do.
All of the pictures used are mine.
