For the past months I’ve been distant to most of the social media platforms I usually used—well except for messenger app because that’s basically our main means of communication, both for personal and academic purposes. Not that I’m abstaining from it, but I’m really busy with a lot of stuff. I definitely learned a lot, and now I’m going to unpack some of the things I learned and relearned during those months.
Fake it til you make it.
Yes, that’s true because I remembered how I was almost clueless about how the tutoring program would go. I have experience tutoring, but not in reading…and I remembered how I dreaded the thought of teaching reading to really non-reader kids. But I faked my confidence in my current teaching skills until I learned how to. The capability-building program somehow shed light on my doubts, but anyway, since I’m already, why not fake it til I finish it? That’s basically what happened because the first day was really awkward and I fumbled a lot, yet still I managed to project my fake composure and confidence all throughout the session. Anyway, it didn’t take long when I finally have some of the real confidence.
Don’t let some bitch define you.
What’s a bitch really? Literally, it’s a female dog, but in slang—as per described in my quick search…it’s a malicious, unpleasant, controlling, or aggressive woman. Unfortunately, I met a lot of those during the past months that I’ve touched the grass. From school to just public spaces, there’s really no shortage of them. I really don’t understand what’s keeping them from trying to be nice, even just a little. I don’t want to really be specific on who they are, but there’s really that certain bitch that’s been plaguing my life. She’s one of the reasons why I was forced to have this socmed abstinence. No matter how hard we pleased her, she seemed to find something that’s worth criticizing. I can’t understand her expectations, like what are we supposed to do?
Chasing her expectations is as tiring as running several laps in this oval track.
We already followed all her instructions religiously, and guess what…she still is barking about how crappy our work is. Just remembering those words made my blood boil again. What’s more is that she gave us really crappy grades after those hellish weeks of sleepless nights and verbal torment. But again, I realized, after nights of assuring myself, that those grades don’t define me. I worked my ass off for the past months, and if she doesn’t see the effort, then I guess she’s truly a bitch for expecting a PhD level output from undergrad students. Bravo!
Be a little optimist.
I’m definitely a pessimist for as long as I can remember, but lately I’ve been influenced. Of course, that pessimistic side of me was still there, but again the shit and graces that happened during those months taught me that sometimes you gotta see the silver lining among the clouds. Shits do happen, and I know life is no fairy tale…at least for me. I can’t deny that there are times I questioned my decisions…whether I was too cowardly not to follow what I wanted or if I was just practical not to risk something that possibly won’t get me anywhere. It’s a question that kept me up at night, especially when I see my old classmates flaunting the cool stuff they’re into. Honestly, that kinda made me envious because why not? All of them seem to have the time of their lives, while I’m here tired and stuck with bitches.
Not all you see on social media is true.
Again, I reminded myself that not all that’s on socmed is really true. Some of them are just sugar-coated and probably embellished to make it socmed worthy perfect. I shouldn’t let those sour my mood, and I know that whatever good stuff they’re experiencing, they worked for it, and I shouldn’t let my bitterness invalidate that. Yeah, I’m quite a bitch at times, but not really on her level. I acknowledge my flaws, and I constantly strive to keep myself in check whenever my judgements get clouded. It’s still a long way to go, and I’m glad that I was able to touch some—no, a lot of grass literally and figuratively.
All of the pictures used are mine.
