Problems will always be there, they just change over time. Sometimes you can find solutions to them, sometimes they disappear just as they came. The worries derive from the issues and their root lies in this one. I say all this as a basis for this story.
As Deck Cadet mention, I felt I was in limbo. Almost three years waiting for the deserved internship and when new problems came along with it, but the story of my worries did not come from there. It goes back to before when I felt like the world didn't give a damn about my life. I remember feeling like I was behind and that I would never graduate.
The first year I thought it would just be a gap year when I realized I had fallen behind by not looking and just sitting quietly waiting for the pandemic to pass. Immediately starting the second year, I started to move and plan my next moves. I am the kind of person who does not like to depend on others, nor to be very insistent, but I had to resort to insistence. You don't know how many people I had to ask for the chance of the said internships, which seemed to be in another category. I remember that I often hated myself for so many things that it is not worth mentioning because of the scarred wound.
One of them comes to my mind, one December, I don't remember if it was Christmas or the last day of the old year. I was crying for still living with my parents and not being able to give them a better future, I was crying for being stuck and still in that limbo where I was not a professional yet. My mother found me crying and consoled me, she gave me words of encouragement and the following year I decided to change things.
But in the second year nothing changed, despite my insistence and traveling far to get on board, nothing happened. Worse, I was left off the list of those selected. Almost at the end of the year, I received an email that said "pre-selected," which in my opinion meant nothing, it did not even give me any security. I almost gave up, but I kept insisting. I can't remember how many people I talked to try to get me the opportunity. It was another year of anxiety and worry about whom I would be in life, a nobody who had not accomplished anything. So I felt that everything was out of reach. I felt alone and that I had no one.
One of the things that kept me sane was going to the mountains and practicing every morning. People don't think that has anything to do with mental health, but it does. It gives you a lot of strength, not just physical strength.
When I decided to change my life. It was at that moment that fate seemed to remember me. Maybe it said in an ironic and biting way, "Let's give this poor devil a chance, he deserves it.
At the beginning of the third year, it happened. They called me, and I was shocked to hear the words, "Is that you, Alexander Bolivar? I could not believe it, I just answered with a simple ok and as soon as I sat down I weighed all the possibilities, I could not let this opportunity go, it would be the only one that would be offered to me. I was happy and sad at the same time, many things I had started would not be finished.
Then I can say that the problems have been transformed. Sometimes, however, the difficulties are just mental tricks that we make up, that is, they are a house of cards that can fall with a single movement. One of them was related to an upcoming appointment, after such a long time of waiting. Although the internship was imminent, we had to postpone it until almost six months later, but that's another story.
The issues had changed, I remember asking her to wait for me, and she said yes, she would wait for me, but we were still nothing, so the problem was whether this feeling would fade with time, and it did not. Persistence has power.
Another one of my fears was that I was at zero, I mean, after three years I had a small idea of what was waiting for me. A lot of my knowledge was buried, and it was hard to dig it out little by little. But the problems I had with my men disappeared in time.
Because despite all the problems, they will always be there, you just have to insist. They may change, or new ones may appear for no reason, but in the end, you have to deal with them until you simply solve them or find a way to make them go away.
Even though the anxiety is burdening me with new difficulties at the moment, deep down I know there is a workable solution. That doesn't mean I'm not working on it, I'm solving other problems that I know I can do, while the big ones, the ones that cause me fear and anxiety when I'm alone, I know I can overcome when the time comes.
Cover and Banner made in Canva; Author's own image taken with Xiaomi Redmi Note 9 S, Separators made in photoshop