This is life, sometimes we can run something very smooth and comfortable sometimes can also be very painful and exhausting for this self. Right now God is like to say to me, "make today as a picture for the future, because it is not time you follow this activity". I've been thinking like that after I was declared not graduated, but in the depths of this deep feeling of disappointment, sadness, confusion, baper, and others become one in a series of very unified and makes me not want tahua something. It also makes my brain seem to stop to think as if there would be a barrier in my brain that resulted in my thoughts and understanding can not be excluded, which only unekekek unek and fantasy can follow the event.
But when I started thinking back over the last few months I found one mistake in myself and that mistake was fatal to me that is; I began to move away from God a few months back. Perhaps this becomes a hard rebuke to this self in order to further improve the faith and devotion to the master and also remind me that as strong as anything I try if God does not allow then it will fail.
I feel like screaming at the time I was in the car back home, it feels like to cry as tight as his father laped up his parents, it feels like to hit a noisy person, it's like to disappear from this world, it's like to confide with someone, raanya want to find escape from all this. But from that I all come to the conclusion that there is a great plan that God plans for this self behind the current failure.
