Saying myself, "don't show your anger, choose words wisely, be a good mom."
But I side I'm falling apart...
This is the everyday life story of a mom, of me. Some days are so hard, I feel like I can't do it anymore. Some days are smooth. If you have any experience with a grown-up, you can understand what I'm saying.
The worse feeling is, draining out. It feels like I'm passing all the energy to my son and emptying myself inside. I know that things could be better, I could have done parenting differently. But this is what I could do. I don't know if this is what every mother feels. As I know, this feeling is normal.
My son, watering the flower plants. Oh, he's in the above. Kid's imagination!
A real conversation with him-
Red color?
Why do you need the red color that I can't find anywhere?
No, only red color.
Try doing it with orange or the color you like, I will find it later.
No.
Let's search it together then.
No, you go find it.
I can't see it anywhere.
I need my red color.
Okay then find it yourself.
And then...
A full season of tantrums!
I know you may already feel exhausted reading the conversation. Think about the mom who has to do this conversation five to six times a day, with different scenarios, and has to control her emotions positively.
Ah, this struggle!
I know things will change and I will face different challenges. And maybe every time it will feel like I can't do it anymore, I need a break.
For the past few days, I don't know why, maybe my hormones or sleeplessness, I'm getting anxious quite easily. Trying my best to handle every situation correctly but I'm filling. I have shouted at my little one several times these days. It's making things harder for both of us.
Maybe I need a break, not from motherhood but a small refreshment probably.
I never wanted to be a perfect mom. I know I never can and there's no way to be perfect. I accept my flaws. But there's a continuous pressure I feel to give my 100%. It drains me out.
Maybe I need to step back from this a little and let things go just the way it is.
If you are a mom, wannabe, someone you know is a mom; be a little nicer to them. They are probably going through the same.