These days I feel like my mind and body are not in sync. I'm getting tired even without any physical activities. It feels like my mind has always existed, always hyperstimulated. To balance this out I'm taking many pauses between my day, and having more mindful minutes.
To be honest it hampers my overall well-being. For example, the stress I used to take, and the amount of work I could do before declined greatly. Now I look at myself and think I'm becoming a very different person that I never thought of and can't accompany.
I'm not liking myself!
I know that's a very demeaning thought. But after recovering from my broken leg, I feel like I became and new person. And I can't cope with myself or I would say, I need more time. It's a weird feeling but I know I can help myself out of this mess!
Part of my daily well-being is spending 'me time', sometimes with nature, sometimes with a book or coffee, sometimes praying. It's helping a lot to understand, cope better, and look forward to life as a whole.
Last time when I was in my hometown, visiting my mom; I spent a lot of time in her garden. The beauty of this Bougainvillea is incomparable. They healed my inner self a little!
Just today, I spent my morning at the hospital for some regular checkups. Then I had to head back to my son's school to pick him up, later did some grocery shopping and then cooking too.
I used to love busy days before and can reschedule my day accordingly. But now, I don't know, maybe for my hormonal imbalance or I'm aging; I can't cope with the change. And hate these busy days. I sometimes delay so much just so I don't have to confront these days!
For not being capable of doing the things I used to do is killing me. I thought that losing my older self was building up fear. I'm continuously reminding myself that it's part of life's journey and I need to roll on. But the fear is still there.
Do I need more time for myself? Do I need to accept the change in a better way and cope accordingly? Would that be enough? These are the questions that go into my head from day to night. Hopefully, I will find the answers soon.
Have a blissful day, everyone.
