The last few weeks have been incredibly difficult. I don't even know how to explain it - as if everything is going its own way, nothing extraordinary is happening, and there is no strength. Things pile up like a snowball. Every evening I say to myself: tomorrow I will definitely move forward at least a small step. Cleaning in the house or in the garden. At least something. But a new day is coming — and I realize that I just don't have the strength. I do what I have to do at work, but it takes everything away. Absolutely everything, to the last drop.
I don't know what caused it. I try to analyze and I can't find an answer. War? I thought we had adapted a long time ago. Three years already. But, apparently, adaptation is not the same thing that is normal. You can learn to function and at the same time exhale slowly. Spring avitaminosis? But it's already summer. Although I must admit that such a cold summer is just a gift for me. If I still had to die of heat, it would be too much. At least something is on my side 😄
From time to time I force myself to do something. But this clearly does not correspond to the scale of what has accumulated. Not only do I not move forward - I do not even stay in place. I'm hopelessly behind. And it's pressing. It feels like you're looking at a to-do list and it's not decreasing, it's growing. And the hand does not even rise to start.
Lack of inspiration is probably the main problem. I'm always trying to dive into another world. A series, a book. Anything not to think. I stubbornly don't want to go back to reality — and that's probably a kind of signal. When a person runs away so persistently, it means that reality is difficult. Even if everything looks more or less normal on the outside.
My animals and my work are probably the only things that make me move somehow. They do not allow to completely fall into this pit of inaction. Going back to work a year ago was a good idea. I'd probably stop leaving the house without that. And this is very dangerous — you can lose touch with reality, and not even notice how it happened. I understand that. That's why I hold on.
