Please welcome my son, Gray
In this photo above, he is REALLY having a good time piling clothes on my head 馃ぃ
Today I wanted to talk about grief.
As special needs parents we will experience times of grief, and I had to learn that it is perfectly normal. Not grief for the child we have. I would never change my son, except to help him be healthier. That along with helping him to thrive in this world. No, my wife and I experienced first, a grieving period for the child we had in our heads. The one that would be a star athlete, top of his class and dating the most beautiful girl in the world鈥imply, dreaming of the best life for my child who was in the womb.
When we got the diagnosis that he may have Down syndrome, we were crushed. Those dreams died that instant. With that grief came lots of guilt for the unborn child that was to be our son. We were still going to love him dearly, but WHY were we having feelings?
It wasn鈥檛 until later that we talked with other parents with kids having special needs that we learned this was simply a part of the process
Were we terrible people for having these feelings? Not at all. Every single special needs parent I鈥檝e talked to has experienced this and if this is you, know that you鈥檙e not alone.
In fact, the grief is not over. When other kids reach milestones that my son should have hit at a certain age or time limit, I still experience that grief. Crawling, walking, eating, talking and even driving will be moments I see other kids reaching their goals that my son is supposed to hit. What I鈥檓 reminded of is that my son will accomplish everything he can, on his timeline.
We just celebrate those milestones when they are reached, and probably celebrate them a bit over the top 馃槅
After seeing the struggle my son had from the moment he came into this world, I have learned to have patience like no other. Patience for him to catch up and reach these common goals on his terms. Not what is determined by society.
My son continues to amaze me everyday! Sometimes it鈥檚 amazement at things we鈥檇 rather he not do, like learning to strip off all of his clothing, but still I cherish every moment.
