Hello everyone, today I'll talk about one of the fears I ever had was the fear of being alone somewhere with no one who I knew. It was when I had to go somewhere alone for the first time not somewhere unsafe or anything like that just somewhere busy where people were walking around talking to each other living their lives somehow I just didn't fit in. Before I left I thought of a million reasons not to as if something horrible was about to occur just because I was going to leave my house for a while it was ridiculous really even though I left eventually I had thought of a million things that could've happened by the time I actually got there.
When I first left I remember feeling nervous I kept checking my phone for notifications that never came I walked slowly and seemed to draw much attention to myself. Then something stupid happened. I got confused about where I was supposed to be I was going to panic and call someone to come and rescue me from myself. I had this strange sensation of bravery. I asked a stranger for directions. The stranger just gave me directions and walked on He probably didn't even think about it twice I on the other hand was stunned. It was a small thing really Something I would've probably never thought twice about if it weren't, for the fact that I realized that in all my panicking I had forgotten the number one rule of paranoia most people aren't paying attention to you to care.
I walked on doing the task I needed to do eventually coming back home no catastrophe occurred no one laughed at me or tried to find me in order to shame me for my panic I didn't get hopelessly permanently lost I didn't turn out some kind of fearless warrior king who had nothing to worry about ever. I did feel a little more brave if I'm being completely honest. I no longer viewed fear as something that had to be eradicated before I could do something important sometimes the feeling could stick around no matter what I do I could still move forwards no matter how hard it seemed.
I still feel fear in situations where I had to go somewhere unfamiliar by myself. Sometimes I still panic I now know that no matter how bad it gets it will eventually fade away I can still go on no matter what I feel. I think in that moment I learned that sometimes courage isn't a grand gesture or a heroic resolution of some kind. Sometimes all it takes is getting up and going out the door despite whats in your heart. I don't think it's shameful to feel a sort of feelings which makes us anxious, it reveals more about us being a human. As a human being it's normal to feel fear as we are not ai or robot.
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