Desvelos / Sleepless nights
Se ha parado sobresaltado en varias ocasiones, las múltiples pesadillas se han instalado en su ser. No le haya sentido a nada y tampoco desea buscarlo. Miles de ideas confabulan en su mente, hay un ejército de soldados luchando contra la ansiedad. No puede dormir, se queda en cama dando vueltas. El sueño se ha convertido en un anhelo inalcanzable. Deambula por la casa, las horas pasan. Su esposa lo mira con mucha preocupación, pero él no es capaz de decirle una sola palabra.
Vuelve a la cama, al caer la penumbra, las sombras vagan. Las imágenes se mezclan de manera trepidante. La figura de su padre golpea una y otra vez, sin razón aparente. No entiende por qué después de tanto tiempo de ausencia física estaba ahí incrustado. Los recuerdos relacionados con su muerte se habían borrado por completo. Tenía dieciocho años cuando falleció. Después de eso, se independizó y se mudó a la ciudad de Valencia. En vacaciones y cada vez que estaba libre visitaba a su madre. Rehizo su vida con una joven hermosa que ahora estaba embarazada.
Ya era la segunda semana que se encontraba en este estado, se sentía frustrado y cansado. Su cotidianidad se había trastocado. En su trabajo estaba distraído, ya ni sabía lo que decía, los otros profesores le recomendaron que tomara un reposo, pues sus ojeras eran evidentes. Todo iba en decadencia. El insomnio se ha apoderado de su vida. Mientras conducía, sintió cómo le tocaron la espalda, al observar por el espejo frontal era su padre quien lo acompañaba. Vio la imagen tan nítida que pensó que era real, se desconcentró y chocó contra un poste. No tuvo más que leves lesiones, pero lo que verdaderamente lo perturbaba era lo que había en su interior.
He has stopped startled on several occasions, the multiple nightmares have settled in his being. You haven't felt anything and you don't want to look for it either. Thousands of ideas conspire in his mind, there is an army of soldiers fighting anxiety. He can't sleep, he stays in bed tossing and turning. The dream has become an unattainable longing. He wanders around the house, the hours go by. His wife looks at him with great concern, but he is unable to say a single word to her.
Go back to bed, as the gloom falls, the shadows wander. The images are mixed in a fast-paced way. The figure of his father strikes again and again, for no apparent reason. He does not understand why after so much time of physical absence he was embedded there. The memories related to his death had been completely erased. He was eighteen years old when he died. After that, he became independent and moved to the city of Valencia. On vacation and whenever he was free he visited his mother. He rebuilt his life with a beautiful young woman who was now pregnant.
It was already the second week that he was in this state, he felt frustrated and tired. His daily life had been turned upside down. In his work he was distracted, he didn't even know what he was saying anymore, the other teachers recommended that he take a break, because his dark circles were evident. Everything was in decline. Insomnia has taken over your life. While he was driving, he felt how they touched his back, looking in the front mirror it was his father who was accompanying him. He saw the image so clear that he thought it was real, lost concentration and crashed into a post. He had no more than minor injuries, but what truly disturbed him was what was inside him.
La preocupación de su esposa aumentó al enterarse del accidente, ahora estaba segura que no lo podía dejar solo, pero él no quería escucharla. En la noche deliraba: “Cabalgo en vertiginosa carrera hacia el abismo universal y allí veo la silueta de un hombre. Abro mis ojos y comienzo a detallarme, desnudo, arrugado y teñido de escarlata. ¿Papá, eres tú? La noche y las sombras siempre me traen confusos recuerdos del mundo, del cual vienen las pesadillas.” Su esposa estaba muy asustada por ella y por su bebé, ya no sabía cómo afrontar la situación, cada día estaba más ensimismado.
El rostro de su padre se repite cada noche como una suma de imágenes incontrolables. Su bloqueo emocional le obstaculizaba recordar los últimos momentos con él. Ya han pasado 3 semanas y las alucinaciones empeoran. Ese día llegó al colegio como un autómata, no sabe si es de día o de noche. Siente que lo persiguen y la desesperación se aloja en las paredes del salón. Mira a sus estudiantes como criaturas que quieren lastimarlo. El miedo que siente es proporcional a la retahíla de alaridos que se dejan sentir en ese espacio. Salió de inmediato, con las manos en la cabeza y gritando improperios. En el liceo ya todos comenzaron a sospechar que estaba loco y no podía continuar con las clases.
El asfixiante delirio le prohíbe dormir. Escucha susurros y risas alrededor de su cama, es la voz de su padre que lo invita a transitar por este mundo imaginario. El sueño debe ser la salida, el abandono del mundo material. Afuera la calma es absoluta y dentro de sí estalla la más salvaje de las tormentas. Ya desea entregarse a la nada. La relación con su esposa se convirtió en una amargura más, ella se sentía ignorada porque él estaba en una realidad paralela.
His wife's concern increased when she found out about the accident, now she was sure that she couldn't leave him alone, but he didn't want to listen to her. At night he raved: “I ride in a dizzying race towards the universal abyss and there I see the silhouette of a man. I open my eyes and begin to detail myself, naked, wrinkled and dyed scarlet. Dad are you? The night and the shadows always bring me confused memories of the world, from which the nightmares come.” His wife was very scared for her and for their baby, he no longer knew how to deal with the situation, he was more self-absorbed every day.
His father's face is repeated every night as a sum of uncontrollable images. Her emotional block made it difficult for her to remember her last moments with him. It's been 3 weeks and the hallucinations are getting worse. That day he came to school like an automaton, he doesn't know if it's day or night. He feels that he is being persecuted and despair lodges in the walls of the room. He looks at his students as creatures who want to hurt him. The fear he feels is proportional to the string of screams that are felt in that space. He came out immediately, with his hands on his head and yelling expletives. In high school, everyone began to suspect that he was crazy and could not continue with classes.
The suffocating delirium forbids him to sleep. He hears whispers and laughter around his bed, it is his father's voice inviting him to travel through this imaginary world. The dream must be the exit, the abandonment of the material world. Outside the calm is absolute and inside it breaks out the wildest of storms. You already want to surrender to nothing. His relationship with his wife became one more bitterness, she felt ignored because he was in a parallel reality.
Después de tantos episodios de desvaríos psicóticos, su esposa lo llevó, casi obligado, a buscar ayuda profesional. El médico diagnosticó que había un bloqueo emocional que debía ser resuelto para encontrar de nuevo la tranquilidad y así poder conciliar el sueño. Desde ese día acudió a las consultas, las terapias psicológicas lo hicieron recrear su pasado. Allí logró recordar cómo fue la muerte de su papá.
Era un sábado por la noche, su padre estaba en cama, ya llevaba tres años luchando con un cáncer que le consumió la alegría y las ganas de realizar cualquier actividad, su cuerpo estaba deteriorado y los dolores eran agudos. No había nada qué hacer, excepto agilizar lo que era obvio que sucedería, deseaba acabar con el sufrimiento. Su padre se había convertido en una sombra de lo que fue algún día, ahora era un ser inanimado entregado a una enfermedad.
Estaba afligido al rememorar aquello, su papá vivía una agonía que se prolongaba en el tiempo, sufría inconsolablemente al igual que él y demás familiares. Sabía que no había cura y que jamás volvería a ser el hombre enérgico y entusiasta que conoció. La tristeza se apoderó de sus días, se sentía miserable. La situación estaba fuera del alcance médico. Al ver a su madre, su melancolía se intensificaba y todo se tornó de sabor agrio.
Después de esa sesión regresó a casa, consternado por aquella secuencia de imágenes que recreó en el consultorio. Había un poco de alivio, el sueño lo visitaba por períodos breves. Decidió ir en busca de un pequeño soplo de paz. Cerró los ojos y entró en estado de somnolencia, mientras creía que disfrutaba de su mundo onírico apareció una escena muy perturbadora. Volvió al hospital con su padre, lo acarició con ternura, lo besó en la frente y le colocó la inyección letal. Se despertó abruptamente, su corazón palpitaba acelerado. De pronto, todas las dudas se disiparon, lágrimas menudas corrieron por su rostro.
After so many episodes of psychotic ravings, his wife almost forced him to seek professional help. The doctor diagnosed that there was an emotional blockage that had to be resolved in order to find tranquility again and thus be able to fall asleep. From that day he went to consultations, psychological therapies made him recreate his past. There he managed to remember how his father died.
It was a Saturday night, his father was in bed, he had already been fighting for three years with cancer that consumed his joy and the desire to carry out any activity, his body was deteriorated and the pain was acute. There was nothing to do except speed up what was obviously going to happen, he wanted to end the suffering. His father had become a shadow of what he once was, now an inanimate being given over to illness.
He was distressed to remember that, his father lived an agony that lasted over time, he suffered inconsolably just like him and other relatives. He knew there was no cure and that he would never be the energetic and enthusiastic man he had known. Sadness took over his days, he felt miserable. The situation was out of medical reach. Seeing his mother, his melancholy intensified and everything turned sour.
After that session he returned home, dismayed by that sequence of images that he recreated in the office. There was some relief, sleep visiting him for brief periods. He decided to go in search of a small breath of peace. He closed his eyes and entered a state of drowsiness, while he thought he was enjoying his dream world, a very disturbing scene appeared. He returned to the hospital with his father, caressed him tenderly, kissed him on the forehead and gave him the lethal injection. He woke up abruptly, his heart beating fast. Suddenly, all doubts dissipated, small tears ran down her face.