Hello everyone. I’m happy that after all those years of hearing this platform, now I’m in. @Olivia08 is my best friend who influenced me to be in this community. I’m grateful that I have spare times to write more of me. Sometimes, I’m hesitant because my life isn’t interesting. But positively, it also helps me coping those unwanted emotions.
If anyone wants to know about me, I’m a widow, a mother and a grandmother. I did not include the “widow” thing on my title because it is awkward for me. Well, I’ve been widowed since 2016 when my husband died due to diabetes and septic shock. It was my most heartbreak. Since he passed away, there are no days I would not cry, remembering how good husband he was to me.
It was 10 years ago that he died, but the pain in my heart is still here. Our memories are just like yesterday. We we’re married for 28 years, struggled together, succeed together; but it happened all of the sudden. Knowing that I can’t see him again is the reality that is most painful to me. It is only in my dreams that we’re together again. The last time he spoke to me was when he was full of tubes in his body. I thought that he would survive.
Right now, I am taking care of my grandchildren. They are my source of happiness, my strength and inspiration. In my age of 56, there are many symptoms I feel in my body that I need to fight for the sake of them. My only wish is I could see them in their grown ups era. I want to be by their side even if I’ll be aged. I wanna be a part of their journeys and guide them to be a better person while they grow.
Right now that I’m a grandmother, I have realized that I love my grandchilden more than my children, honestly. Haha! Now I understand the feelings of my parents toward me when they were upset seeing me scolding my children when they were kids before. Now I understand how pure their love was towards my children because this is how I feel to my grand son and grand daughters.
They say that when someone leaves, another will come. Even if I lost my husband, it is replaced by my grandkids. Certainly, he would be very happy to take care of his grandchildren too. He loves children, how much more if it was his grand kids? How joyful we might be to be once again complete. But this is the reality that I must learn to accept. No matter how happy we be, he will never be with us one more time. If only there is a phone in heaven, then I would never hesitate to grab the chance to listen to his voice. Too bad I can just talk to him in a dream.
