Separate paths: Is it the healthiest thing to do?

Sometimes life puts us in situations that we would not want, but that we have to face as calmly as possible, for the sake of our children. It is angry and impotent, but I can only take a deep breath and continue.

On some occasions, I have told you that despite having divorced my ex-husband, we have maintained an excellent relationship, not only for our son, but because we are clear that after having shared so many important things, it is absurd to remain as enemies. Some call it madness and others call it maturity. Maybe it is a bit of both.

The truth is that he and I have been very good friends during the fourteen years that our son has had our son and that, for some time, he has been a good provider and has been present financially in many aspects. But since a year ago, he has not contributed a penny. I couldn't manage the expenses on my own because I was unemployed until recently. And now that I finally got a job, I have had to catch up with the commitments I had made.

He is doing well in his company. It is no secret that the area of real estate remodeling generates good income. And I have seen it with him, because he is always well dressed, his Chopper type motorcycle, his spectacular tattoos and his photos in different glamorous places, beaches and nightclubs. All very spectacular, but meanwhile, I have a hard time making ends meet because my salary is not the best, but I had to take the job because, as my dad used to say: "it is better 10% of something than 100% of nothing".

The few, but very few times I have asked him for support with our son, he either sends me the equivalent of $10 or says he has no money. This makes me very disappointed and angry because our son does not deserve such a careless and irresponsible attitude on his part.

I had to take him out of a good private school to enroll him in a public high school, where he only sees classes three times a week, where the number of subjects he studies was reduced to only five subjects and where the teachers almost never attend, because what they earn there is not even enough for the bus fare.

I am so upset that if they prick me with a needle, no blood will come out, but fire. My son is a healthy child in mind, body and soul, he is innocent in many ways and above all, a very noble child.

Life has placed me at an emotional crossroads: the dilemma between maintaining a friendly relationship with my ex-husband and the responsibility I have as the mother of our child together. A dilemma that confronts me with my own feelings and the needs of my son, because his father is not ready to assume his role as a father. I have avoided arguing with him because I want my son to have a father figure in his life.

This is why I am overcome with anger and frustration at his lack of commitment as a father. I feel that he does not value the effort I put into our son, nor the sacrifice I have made for his well-being. It hurts me that he does not take responsibility and does not do his part as a parent. Before, as I said, until a couple of years ago, he was a good provider, but not a good dad. He made very little presence, although he told him that he loved him, he didn't show it. He made and still makes promises to her that he is far from keeping.

A couple of weeks ago, he asked our son if he had a predilection for any sport and my son replied "swimming". Then his dad told him to find out the cost because he was going to pay for it. My son was happy because he would finally get into swim school. Once he got the information, he called his dad and told him. His response was, "sorry son, but I don't have any money, I had to do a market at my house and buy some shoes and jeans that I needed and I ran out of money".

When I learned this, I was overcome with a tremendous rage. Oh yeah? - How many times have I taken food out of my mouth so that my son could have his three meals? I have gone to bed hungry, but my son would never go without food. It's been quite some time since I've bought any clothes for myself because it's either a treat for me, or it's food for my son.

I am supremely upset.

Food for thought:

This experience has led me to reflect on the importance of honest and open communication in relationships, especially those involving children. Lack of dialogue and lack of commitment can generate painful and conflictive situations, like the one I am experiencing now.