I have developed ten points that I believe can help make relationships easier.
1. Be honest, ask the other person if they agree to be honest. This way, you can refer back to your agreement if the other person isn't being honest. There is no requirement that you disclose your secrets or fears. You can say that you do not want to answer, it's more honest than revealing something against your will. It might be because you don't feel enough trust and that you need more time to determine if it's safe or wise to disclose. Maybe it's not wise to answer the question at all.
For example, if your wife asks you if she looks fat in her dress you can say to her that you don't answer questions of that sort. The question is a trap, if you answer yes you're in trouble if you answer no altho you might think the dress makes her look fatter than other dresses then you are not being honest. She might have asked you because she thought the dress made her look fat but you can't know if she was asking you for fashion advice or if she wanted you to assure her that you don't find her too fat or unattractive.
2. Do not demand that others do what you want! If you can't come to an agreement about something, it's probably because one of you believe that the other one is being unreasonable or unfair. Ask rather than demand and be prepared to accept a no. You can ask why you received a no and it's reasonable for you to get an answer because you agreed to be honest. If the answer is "do not know" then the one who does not know should reflect on why.
3. Come to an agreement on what is reasonable to expect from each other in the relationship. Call the other person out when they brake an agreement. An example of an agreement may be that you do not yell at each other and that you continue to talk after you've calmed down.
4. Agreements should generally apply in both directions, if the other isn't allowed to do X, then why should you be allowed to do X?
5. Take into account that everyone is different. For example, just because you can carry heavy things it doesn't mean that the other person can carry as much as you can unless you are equally strong.
6. Call the other person out if they are being hypocritical.
7. Try not to argue and get defensive when you are accused of something. If the other person points out that you are being hypocritical listen and think about whether you're actually being hypocritical. If you don't think you are, ask why it's hypocrisy.
8. Respect emotions but do not ignore logic. Try to avoid blaming and shaming.
9. Take responsibility for your obligations and your self. Do not take over the responsibilities or obligations of others.
10. Do not assume you or other people can read thoughts. Tell others what feelings you are experiencing and what your needs and wants are. Talk about how you can help each other feel better and satisfy your needs and wants. Try to find win-win solutions. If you assume that someone thinks or wants X, it may seem obvious to you that the person has a certain motivation. The person may actually think Y. You have extrapolated from X and reached an erroneous conclusion. When you suspect someone thinks or wants X, you can ask if that is the case. That way, you won't arrive at false conclusions and accuse people unjustly.
What do you think of the points? Do they seem reasonable? What would you add or remove?
