I want to be better than I am. In my head, I am hearing self-defeating statements. I am full of pain. I feel heavy and sad. I'm tired of this ride and how I'm yanked around every turn when I never agreed

Once upon a time I was tired and laying on my bed. I contemplated the ceiling and how it was affixed to the sky. I considered the stubble, thought of shaving the ceiling and rolling in a bed of popcorn

She told me to be honest with myself. Let's call her H. The advice came under cover of other words, but the takeaway was clear: "Do what feels right to you." I chose safety, which is interesting

The hardest work I am doing lately is not shutting down completely. I want to close off from everyone, not just the individual who has ignited this burnt, split and raw feeling inside me. I have been writing

The rain softly drummed against her window screen. She'd slid the glass upward to catch the scent of freshly damp earth, rolled a towel along the sill to prevent puddling. Outside, someone sat in their

Control You try to trap me in amber, but I am no historical beast gnashing my teeth even if I leave mythological footprints. You want to hold me under water, but I know when to pause my breath and when

I wanted to share something beautiful today. I wanted to walk with words and have you walk with me. Instead, I walked alone, tending to myself for a time. It was needed. It was strange, coming back to

If I were innocuous a potato maybe would you harvest my eyes or respect my desire to grow in my own time in my own space leave me to the worms who can be trusted to ventilate my soil allowing me the breath

Dani made a wish on the sunflower. It's false, fabric petals were plucked and lay around her feet. This carnage was due to wistfulness. She remembered the better days, when there were no shouts or veiled

Remember when we walked along the railroad tracks? How you kept bumping against me and teasing that I had my head down and wouldn't look at you. You wore light blue jeans and a white t-shirt and red Nikes

spoke on a Sunday, leaves in the air and electric hum of the pastor's guitar alive in that buzz was promise beyond sermons and faith, character before bedside surrender mermaid in her bathtub siren in

There is a place I've found just beyond the playground. I call it a forest, but it's a patch of trees really. There is a perpetually full-of-water ditch I call the pond. I like to sit in the forest by

There is potential for much loss in a three hour email. Three hours to sort out your fears and insecurities, all the little wobbles of life that have come together into one massive fall. A failure to

I have been making good use of Dani, the character I created to feel safe while writing about abuse. I wrote in depth about her. I will reshare that below after this (new and original) post. What I want

The mirror shows her grace. She sees lines and circles, symptoms of fatigue. The mirror shows her softness. She sees curves she'd hoped to quell, gravity in effect. The mirror shows her beauty but all

Honesty can expose vulnerabilities you would otherwise keep hidden. This is what has happened with my stalker/abuser. I have been working to protect myself by moving them out of my life incrementally.

Will I ever look back with regret? Yesterday I shared my goal to break ties with someone who has been actively and passively hurting me for quite some time. I did what I said, communicated a strong no.

A large part of my writing practice (thanks to Steemit), is reframing questionable or negative experiences in a positive light. This means I am constantly searching for happiness, even from within darkness.

I have a very specific goal today. It is to communicate the following boundary: No. While this seems simple, I have actually communicated this same boundary many times over the last several weeks. It has

For the last few months I have been working to extricate my life from that of an abuser. We were very close. I am well-versed in the signs of mental instability and codependent behaviors, but for whatever