“You should step up!”
It was a Saturday morning, a rest day, when I read that call to action together with my name and other heads tagged in the message. It wasn’t the first time we’ve been called to step up in our respective positions, and certainly, it wouldn’t be the last.
As head of a section that aids in ensuring availability of our products nationwide, we eat vulgar tongue lashing day in, day out. If I describe to you in details what I do in my job, you might not want the same position. When I was new to the job, the head of our Sales Department let out his frustrations using words that would cut through deep in anyone’s skin. My immediate head, the VP for Sales and Marketing called me and calmly explained *“It’s part of the job!” and that “I shouldn’t take it personally.” Teary-eyed, I told him I definitely understand, but deep within, I wondered if it was necessary that some leads deal with difficult situation with their unrefined manner.
Every now and then, the Sales Department head would be foaming at the mouth at the inefficiencies in some departments and since my section is working closely with these departments, it couldn’t be avoided that my attention will also be called whenever there are problems. I can feel the validity of frustrations but I believe that words are powerful; it could make or break someone’s day. And for that very reason, I’m definitely careful with the words I utter in and out of the office.
One of my favorite TED talks was delivered by Frederik Imbo entitled How not to take things personally?. One point that has been highlighted in the talk is ”Not all things are about you!”
Last July marked my 3rd year working in this position. We’ve been castigated for three years; in fact, it had become the norm and we’ve certainly found ways to positively take it, deal with it and learn from it. It comes with the package!”, I’d say to my team. I’ve convinced them that it shouldn’t get into their system; that as long as they did their best to help the departments involved, we’re good! We can’t be everything to everyone; the only way for things to improve is when others diligently do their jobs, too! All this time I thought I’ve mastered not giving a fuck! especially when I know I’ve done my part of the job. I’d usually just shove it off and move on with my day unscathed. But last Saturday was different, it hit me hard this time. It hit me hard to the point I’m still bothered with it and I feel mentally exhausted, and unmotivated to get things done this week.
But I remember what I learned from the TED talk “Not all things are about you!” The word choice and the tone of people when they reprimand people is beyond my control. And it doesn’t speak of my character, of my values but of the people throwing unkind, cruel words. There were countless situations in the past not related to work when I had to give myself a nudge that how people behaved towards me might have nothing to do with me; I just have to bravely pull myself out of the dungeon and remind myself that their actions are mere reflections of how they’ve been raised, their experiences in life, their values, and character.
Moving forward, I’d like to remind myself that whenever I’m called to step up and hear all other nasty words that come with it, I take two steps back and assess the situation. The next minutes I’d be asking myself “What did I do wrong?” or “Is there something I could do within my scope of control” If I can’t find any, I take a deep breath and move on with my day. Afterall, I did my job. I did my job well.
