Growing up, we all had popular myths or random beliefs that we thought to be true simply because the adults around us successfully convinced us to the point of zero doubt. I don’t know how they did it so easily, but they always had their way with us. That’s why a huge number of us believed something as hideous as an orange tree growing from our heads if we ever swallowed the seed.
I can recount a whole lot of those beliefs but one that made me begin to question eeverything I heard was the notion that family is everything.
I grew up in one of the most popular African countries where women were valued by how much they served the men in their families, and people were discouraged or shamed for publicly talking about the wrongdoings of their families. I grew up in an environment where respect was forcefully imposed on every child without clear teachings on why it was necessary for a sane society. Even worse, we were taught to be docile; never to question our parents' words or stand up to them.
Truly, as a kid, I was uncomfortable with these things but had no choice other than to believe that the adults around me were right. I thought, after all, they had experienced life much more than I had. So, I began to treat family as everything.
I believed if it took giving respect and apologies to a family member who didn’t deserve it just to keep the peace, then so be it. So even when I saw brothers who had betrayed each other, I subconsciously tried to look at it from the angle I had been made to believe: that family was all we’ve got no matter the storm. The worst part was being gaslighted to think that the food, shelter and clothing they provided for us was enough to always consider them the best in the world.
Now that I’ve become an adult, I realize how simplistic that belief was, alongside my thoughts. I began to understand that the phrase "family is everything" is as conditional as love and if they are not bringing us the desired happiness and peace, then they are not everything.
I mean, why should we even be obligated to see them as our all in all when some of them derive joy in seeing us sad, speak poorly of us to others, and sometimes deny us the basic things they ought to provide, including love and support?
In my country, many people would even encourage you to endure the toxicity simply because, according to them, no one else can be there for you as much as family. This is something I’ve found to be untrue. Sometimes, it’s the strangers we meet on a random Tuesday who keep our feet warm for a hundred years. Not those we share blood ties with.
These days, I’m only happy I no longer entertain that belief. I now consider family to be the people who will always stand strong for me and go the extra mile without me asking. They are the ones who will speak positive words over me, have no intention of cheating me, abusing me, or withholding good opportunities from me.
It’s the people whose friendship with me has stood the test of time, the siblings who will always listen without judgment, the parents who will always provide for me, if they can, without making me feel like a burden, and the brother who would make as many sacrifices as the girl child does in many homes.
Those are the people who are everything because not only do they reaffirm my faith in love, but they also give me hope for a kinder world, which I hope to experience.
Special appreciation to the beautiful 
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