When I look at this picture I remember what it felt like to be ME. I laughed ALOT, I cried ALOT, and I brightened up each room I walked into. People were drawn to me, I made them happy simply by showing up and sharing my energy, my love, my heart and ME.
I did however have an incredibly difficult time managing my big energy. My body was this tiny little container that simply didn't feel big enough for my love, curiosity, rapid thoughts, excitement and all of my wild and wonderful ideas.
I was a fast hand talker. I talked and talked and talked some more. I desired adventure, excitement and deep connection with others. People fascinated me, I loved sitting on a bench at the mall observing how people showed up in life.
I was continually looking for the next 'big thing' and I was terrified of missing out. I was a professional eve's dropper, I could listen to 3 conversations at once and as a kid I would pee with the door wide open so I wouldn't miss a beat of what was going on around the house. I giggle when I think about that girl, so full of love and life. I also feel compassion for her because I remember how difficult it felt to manage her.
So when did that bright little girl start to believe she wasn't worth it? When did she believe who she was created to be was flawed? When did she start to shrink, dim her shine, mutate and conform? When did she abandon herself?
I've been going deeper into my abandonment wounding and what spirit has shown me is that one of my deep abandonment wounds is that I abandoned me. I left that beautiful little girl behind because I didn't know how to manage her and neither did anyone else, therefore I didn't 'learn' how to cope. No one taught me processes or gave me tools to take that energy and use it in a powerful way. Instead I was usually in trouble. In trouble for being ME.
The more I reconnect with my 'little girl' the more I begin to feel like me. I intentionally remember her when I feel I'm abandoning self. I remind myself that who I was created to be is beautiful, vibrant, and unique. I am enough and I am allowed to be ME. I take a few moments to close my eyes, release all judgments and feel into what is authentic for me.
The word I keep bringing into my awareness is AUTHENTICITY and the question I ask myself is 'Who was I before I was told I should be someone different?