Today I went outside my threshold and now I'm paying for it, when the line between enough and too much is not a fixed point how can I possibly know when to call it quits?
I'm in pain and very very frustrated with myself, for I want to do more, be more. I want to push myself to lose more weight, to achieve more with my time but with this disease there is no getting better only better management. I am recording this here in my blog because I have to remind myself that I can't do normal people things, working with my father and not being able to keep up drives me literally to tears. This was going to be the happy celebration post I've been writing over the last few days for this my 30th post.
Analysis
I can't blame Dad for his methods but I can say that I'd have done more and lasted longer and have done it better if:
The work flow was less chaotic.
There was bench space for all the tools
Each tool was placed on said space and NOT dropped on the floor
Each task was explained properly before it was started
The heavy jobs were pre planed and a quick procedure was made for the work flow.
Regular people can just drop a tool on the floor and simply bend down and pick it back up, in fact you may well have do that or a similar task 10, 20 ever 50 times today and not even thought about it. Honestly people pay money to go the the gym to bend down to the floor and back up again it is a simple basic maneuver of the human body. You'd probably laugh at me if I asked you to pre plan ever single time you did it. But for me it is 5-10 of that action and I am done, for the rest of the day done. Might not even be able prepare food that night. Some days are worse and some are better but there is ALWAYS a hard limit.
Reality
Working with someone who does not understand these hard limits, through no fault of there own, seriously reduced my ability to remain functional or useful. Twisting and bending are the main killers of function.
Would you do a tiny little challenge for me?
During you're usual daily activity even for one hour, be it about the house or on the farm or with the children, try to count how many times you:
Pickup or get or put something below knee level and,
How often you twist your spine greater than 25 degrees or look over your shoulder?
Too many times to count? Probably, and that's why I can't expect anyone to thing about those kind of things. But it's that stuff which is the difference between me being real tangible help and just getting in the way and feeling like a waste of space.
The Bright Side
Having said that we did get a lot done, I did some planning for Greenacrehome 's 50 SBD challenge, moved the sprinklers and pulled a few weeds while harvesting some yummy peas, I recorded some film of me preparing the marinade for a tasty dish that I couldn't cook. We also made some really good progress on the wall.
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~Bryan
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