Abuse is the unfair, cruel or violent treatment of somebody.
Sadly, abuse in relationships isn't a new phenomenon and the victims are mostly women. Abuse goes beyond what everyone thinks it is and that's why whenever a survivor comes out to say her story, everyone asks why she didn't leave when he hit her the first time.
It takes a strong willed woman to decide to leave when her partner hits her once.
Honestly, it is easier said than done. It's a known fact that women are emotional beings. Most abusers are emotionally manipulative. They've learnt so much about her that they are so confident to hit her and be rest assured that she would forgive him after a few pleas and gifts.
Worse when she's financially dependent on him. It would only take the thought of not getting money from him to make her return.
Domestic violence has been a thing for decades in Africa; and these women never leave. They either stay because of what the society would say, only recently have women who leave their partners on this ground been supported; the desire to see her children grow up with a father, as people say there's nothing like fatherly love; an emotionally manipulative husband or simply because she doesn't have a means of livelihood.
Many years ago, marriage was an escape route from poverty for so many families. Only a few were lucky to have men who respected them enough to not lay a finger on them. It's great to know that women of this generation are changing this narrative and making history.
Domestic violence is a social phenomenon that has eaten deep into our society, but recently, with the rise of this generation, women are learning to stand up for themselves.
In order to avoid being caught in such mess which would most definitely leave you traumatized for as long as it can, young women have to put certain measures in place. One thing is being respected, another is being with a person who is responsible enough to know when to walk away when pissed off than flex his muscles on a woman.
Have something that fetches you money; a decent job, not a man. You're a woman and a human and can't survive without a means of livelihood. This would save you a lot of embarrassment.
Look out for signs of violence in him. Do not be so blinded by love that you put your life at an expense.
Never hit a man, no matter how much he has pushed you to the wall. Daily, we clamour for gender equality but a large number of us do not really understand the whole concept. We can't be superior, we can only fight for equal rights as humans. If you do not want a man to lay a finger on you, then you should not do the same to him. This is not in any way supporting the fact that it is right for men to hit women. It is totally wrong, but women, be careful.
Breaking away from an abusive relationship is like choosing to stay off hard drugs for life. It is hard, but it is a process. A slow process which might seem fruitless at first, but on the long run, its results are bountiful.
Remind yourself of your worth, that's if you truly know your worth. Every woman is beautiful and worthy of a love that's painless and full of smiles and happiness. You should know you're that woman and shouldn't settle for less.
You know that you're beautiful, intelligent, smart and an asset, why then would you let a man continue to treat you like a piece of rag?
Never try to justify his actions. One thing victims find themselves doing is finding every possible reason to justify the man's actions. They somehow find a way to defend him whenever they're asked for the reason they still stay.
"He hit me because I said terrible things to him", "he has anger issues which he's trying to fix up, and I understand", "I didn't bring the topic up in the right atmosphere. He was angry and I talked about xyz, that was so insensitive of me", this and many others is what victims say in the man's defence to protect their toxic relationships and appease their conscience.
Well, it might interest you to know that there is absolutely no excuse for him to hit you. He has no right to hit you regardless of the situation. He hit you because he is irresponsible. Nothing justifies domestic violence. It's an agreement to be life partners, not boxing opponents.
Come to terms with the fact that not everything is permanent. Remember that "man proposes, God disposes". Both of you have probably had conversations and had your future together planned out.
We're mere mortals and unfortunately, not everything comes out as we plan them.
The best thing to do at this point is quit. Quit because you're not a punching bag; you deserve a love that's painless and void of sadness; you deserve better.
Just quit.
Your relationship should he a safe haven for you in this unfriendly world we live in, not a boxing ring.
Quitting is relatively easy, but learning to come to reality with the fact that this is the end is where the problem usually is. Many women have returned to abusive relationships simply because they feel like they can't live without that man. It is not easy getting over someone you planned a future with, especially when you've been together for a long period of time. It is nearly impossible.
Little, consistent effort yields great results after a period of time.
It wouldn't help if you're a jobless, idle woman. Get busy with something that would require your time and effort; that way, you're able to keep him off your mind, at least throughout your working hours.
Get a hobby. Research has shown that women get over heartbreak better and quicker after picking up a hobby. Baking, swimming, yoga and many more would do.
Talk to your friends more often. They would to an extent fill the vacuum which your abusive partner left in your life. They would give you reasons to never return there.
Meet new people; not to get into a new relationship, but to have new energy around you.
Gradually, you would come to terms with the permanence of your breakup.
Time doesn't heal wounds, your efforts do.
It is really not easy using the exit door in an abusive relationship, but best believe, it is the best thing to do. Many have died from staying with and being hopeful that their abusive partners would turn a new leaf.
People say "once he hits you once, flee because he would most definitely do it again". Very true, but sometimes, there are exceptions and I wouldn't advice that anyone stays being hopeful that she doesn't get a swollen eye the next time. Flee sis, flee!