Writing a post today will be impossible. After giving it all much thought, I've finally come to terms with that fact. A post simply cannot happen today. I'm disappointed in myself but worse than that, I feel I've hurt your feelings, and that sucks.
Posts can be difficult to write.
Especially during times like these.
Awoken by the sounds of noise. That's how this all started.
Something was banging on my door.
Damn door bangers, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone. What is it this time?
Since it was already ten minutes past noon, I decided to get up and actually see what the hell might be going on.
While approaching the door I decided to stop because I wasn't sure if the sounds of noise were still banging. For some reason I thought being immobile would increase my sense of hearing plus make me more aware of the surroundings I was fearing. I had seen gazelles perform this maneuver on shows about nature so I thought this would be a good time to take what I had learned about my inner beast and apply this newfound wisdom to a real world scenario.
The sounds of noise were being silent. The gazelle was right and I felt safe for the first time since last night.
Must be a false alarm, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone — and that was the best news I had heard all day.
The decision was then made to head back to bed because I still felt dead. I had been up all night again attempting to write an impossible post I was beginning to dread.
That's awesome, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone and back in bed.
I'm sure at this point you've already figured out the damn sounds of noise were back banging on my door the instant I melted into that wonderful mattress I have on the floor but if you haven't, this is the part of the story where I tell you that's exactly what was in store.
Are you being serious right now, I yelled, to nobody, because I was all alone while becoming frustrated with the world and all things at home.
The sounds of noise banged louder and louder as if the culprit was getting good at it and becoming prouder.
This time I threw the blankets as hard as I could. Got up and walked on the floor like I normally would.
The sounds of noise grew quiet. Then the sounds of noise banged some more as if I was at a riot! Should I go to the door and try it, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone and unsure if I should buy it.
More banging! Some pounding! The sound of noise was all around and surrounding everything that was me as I was frowning at this controversy I didn't want to be involved in, you see?
You have got to be clowning me, I said, to nobody, because I was all alone and getting ready to call 911 on my phone.
But instead of being a bitch, I got the itch.
It was now time to ditch the sounds of noise banging on my brains and treating them like toys.
The door has a window with no blind. I could see right through and thought answering should be timed for the sounds of noise were banging hard but there was nobody there to walk toward.
How could this be? Was it the wind I can't see? Have I sinned so deeply the demons have come to keep me?
Is anybody there, I yelled, to nobody, because I was all alone, standing on my floor, wondering what might be lurking next to my door and on the other side of this mysterious chore I feel must be completed before I'm defeated by something I simply cannot ignore!
"I'm here."
Said a tiny voice that sounded quite near and nothing like the sounds of noise that brought us all here.
So I thought I'd roll the dice and pretend to be nice. Whoever is at my door will not fool me thrice.
I opened the door and looked all around. Saw nobody, until I looked down. It was one of those little people I didn't even know we had in this town.
This was not strange at all in my mind, until I noticed he was shorter than his dog, and he was blind.
Before my brain could begin to process this, I noticed the dog lift his leg and begin to piss. I said nothing for nothing could be said until this little man asked:
"Can you spare a roll of toilet paper?"
Sure thing, little dude, I said to the man so I didn't seem rude. I'll be back in a flash.
I dashed to my stash to retrieve a roll of this glorious paper that's now worth more than cash as he stood there waiting; then I heard a crash!
Followed the sounds of noise until I was led to a dog licking and chewing on some of my trash.
I stayed calm, asked the man to hold out his palm, placed the paper in his hand. Then he hopped on the back of his dog, as if that was all planned. I watched them gallop away. I could barely stand.
Did that just happen?
I said, to nobody, because I was all alone thinking that man and his dog just gave me the bone.
So needless to say and I hope you can understand, life has been a little too strange today and very far from being bland.
There will be no post today. It'll take some time before I can recover but I promise you, at some point, there will be another.
Have a nice day.
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