A step towards greater self-honesty: realizing you still have a lot to learn. I see this in myself nearly every day, thank goodness I'm not the kind to think I'm infallible or that I know everything, far from it!
Would it suffice to say that there are a few days that I feel dumber than a ton of bricks, even after years of being told I'm an intelligent girl academically, making good grades, et cetera?
At this point in time, I'm realizing grades really don't count for much, especially considering after receiving a Bachelor's degree I still am not guaranteed a life of luxury or even a minimum wage paying "job." I am, however, guaranteed to a ton of student loan debt. I often think I may have made the wrong decision with continuing my higher education through a university. It's an unsavory thought when I consider just how long I'd be working to pay off that accumulated debt and if I could go back in time I would tell my younger self to focus more on learning a trade, improving my writing skills, instead. Learning what I truly have a passion for and making a career of it instead of following along with what I was told is the route to "success."
At the end of the day, I realize that I know next to nothing even after years of studying and listening, I have only uncovered a superficial amount of "knowledge." Discovering this about myself has been an eye opener and has helped me to find what is more important to me, my greatest values . Those values include honesty, being healthy emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically and friendships, instead of superficial materialism.
There are times when I feel less inspired, do not want to put in the effort to write, and then I realize that postponing the process only leaves me feeling despondent and the vicious cycle continues.
In order for a change to come within our selves, I think the first step is to analyze our behavior patterns and to ask ourselves are we consistent in our actions? Do we live up to what we say we stand for and our principles?
In my journey towards a deeper emotional and spiritual healing, I have learned that there are moments when I do not especially feel up to facing my inner demons when I would rather resort back to taking the easy way out and avoid facing my issues. I'm sure if we were to sit down with others and be truthful, we'd find that they also have encountered those bumps in the road.
Someone recently told me the best step to take in writing is to just get started. This can also apply to getting real with oneself. If you find yourself putting off working on yourself, procrastinating on taking the necessary time for writing down your thoughts, meditating or anything you're utilizing in your spiritual empowerment toolbox, block off some time just for you.
A good point to remember is that no one can do the work for us, no matter how much they love us and want us to become stronger and better, healthier individuals. We can listen to all the self help audios, read all the books available but until we make the necessary steps, we will not heal.
For me, facing my shadow side, learning how to become more mindful, embracing self acceptance and being more compassionate towards myself as well as others, I learn I value transparency. I value being in the moment and I breathe easier. It seems as if a weight is lifted from me and I am able to release pent up emotions of grief, shame, and guilt.
I become more aware of how I communicate with others, and I find value in showing gratitude for the small things that I once took for granted.
I realize that I do not need to meet every argument I am invited to and that I fear failure and deficiency less.
It is okay if I make mistakes and I do not need to hold on to the fear of making mistakes. I am enough as I am now, in this moment.
My self talk should reflect this instead of berating myself by not "measuring up" to my peers. I think many people compare themselves, their status, and material wealth with their neighbors but don't openly address these thoughts. Becoming aware of the moments I begin thinking in this manner, I decide to take a step back and realize that I am being unkind to myself. I am depriving myself of my right to be happy, to live a life of joy without acknowledging my own successes in life.
The fact that I am being forthcoming on working with my shadow self is a win in itself. It's been a long journey over several years dealing with PTSD and it will take many more years to heal as this is a process. Healing doesn't happen overnight but in slow increments, moments of discovery and revelation.
I end this post with a quote I found on an inspiring blog recently: "We ought to strive to be the best possible versions of ourselves—not only for our own selves, but for the benefit and contribution we can offer to others. Work hard to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Commit to growing a little bit each day. And learn to celebrate the little advancements you are making without comparing them to others."
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