We often hear these words, Please Adjust. Especially for females it is very common, right from childhood only, we are being told to keep adjusting to suit other people's need. I remember as a child, when I would visit my granny's which was a small house, me and my other cousin's sister were always expected to adjust, because the house was small for too many people and the elders could not adjust. There was limited space for everyone to sleep, so it was always we little girls who were expected to adjust. And because we did it couple of times, it became an unsaid rule that we had to sleep in one corner space adjusting ourselves.
In my growing up, at every step I was expected to adjust, adjust to sleep, adjust to hunger and food, adjust my voice, adjust my dreams and the list keeps going on. After marriage started a new way of adjustment. Then it was about adjusting in the new home, adjusting my schedule to suit everyone's need, adjustments with my career to take care of home, adjusting my finance to take care of family needs. Though some adjustments feel good but after a point of time you just do not want to adjust. You want wholesome and not part of things.
Sometimes we females forget our own self in these adjustments, we forget what really, we are. Making space for others, being flexible to be kind enough to others, it all takes strength time and again and sacrificing our own desires and wishes. When a baby is born, between the couple it is the mother who has to do all adjustments, whether it is her job, her lifestyle, her sleep routines and everything. The mother does it with love and grace and never complains about it.
Adjustments are good till the time they are a choice, but the moment they become an expectation then you are in the process of slowly disappearing yourself. When only one person is always expected to adjust, when what you do is not appreciated and goes unnoticed, and you keep doing it again and again then in the end you leave no room for yourself.
It's not about not adjusting, there will be times when you will have to, but the art is in to know when to stop and when to say No. I stopped adjusting long time back and that did not go well with many people around me, but it was high time that I stopped adjusting to make others comfortable and put myself in misery.
The adjustment that is shared between people builds intimacy and strengthens the bond but the adjustment which is one sides builds only resentment.
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