As a child I was very fearless. Till the age of 5 I was staying with my aunt, my dad's sister. Because of all the problems my parents had in their relationship my aunt requested them to keep me with her. I grew up happily with her till I was 5 and then I started staying with my parents and with that I also started facing all the dramas of life. That's a different story all together. My aunt always told me that I was a very fearless child and I was not afraid of anything, I would go out alone in the dark also at midnight and never get scared. She had a very big house, but a very old one, it was 2 floors and we lived on the first one. The ground was rented out, the 2nd was always closed.
The bad part part of that house was that there was only one bathroom, and that was on the ground floor, which if I had to go from first floor, I had to go through the terrace. And again one more thing here was that the light switch was only on the ground floor. So if at night I had to use the bathroom, then I had to take the torch light, go down in complete darkness and then switch on the light, use it and come back up again. During holidays my sister would come and stay with me for few days and she was shit scared of darkness. So every time she wanted to use the bathroom day or night, she would ask me to accompany her. I would laugh at her, tease her then go along with her.
Over a period of time, I did not realize her fear started gripping me and I too stopped going down alone, when she was not around, I would ask my aunt to come with me. My aunt would get angry and tell me, I was doing fine then what happened to me. At that age I had no sense what to tell her and I would simply cry. From there on my fear kept growing more and more and till date it is there. Though it's not as bad as childhood days but I still do fear darkness. I always have a small diya lit up in my bedroom, I find it comforting to have some light in the room. I cannot sleep in complete darkness like most of the people would love to. I want to keep the window curtains open at night for the light to come in. When hubby is travelling then I keep one light switched on while sleeping, else I will never be able to sleep well.
I always blame my sister for this, because if not for her fear probably I would have never feared darkness like I do now. I am not scared of being alone, all I fear is being in darkness. I know the only way to get rid of it is to face it, but I guess I have not made up my mind to get rid of it completely, or possibly I can say I am not much into these situations where it comes to my mind that I need to work on it.
What are your such fears of life?
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