Dad, You are My Hero, I watched you yesterday struggle to get down the stairs and my heart wanted to break.
I looked into your beautiful blue eyes and they seem to be fading, am I losing you? , I can’t lose you, this world without you will make no sense.
I look at the photos of you as a young man, you were so handsome, the twinkle in your eye still remains. It’s hard to believe you are the same man who fought in the war, I know the memories still haunt you. You never tell me about your time there and I wish you could, this might offer some relief.
I know you are private and those nightmares still haunt you some 60 years later. You are a proud man and will take these to your grave.
I am so proud of you, you are so humble and so appreciative of each day.
I need to learn this from you.
Today I saw you stumble over words you know so well and my heart lurched, you tried to remember my last visit and couldn’t.
I am here Dad and I love you. I understand your struggles are hard, and that you ache, and are lonely you miss Mum every minute and have a thousand questions.
I realise I can’t answer them, all I can do is be here, like a spectator on the sidelines.
I am here and will do my best to make this part of your journey the best it can be.
Yes, you are right, I am self-involved, so wrapped up in my own life and what’s going on with my children. I worry about the credit cards, the mortgage, the children’s schooling all of this must seem so minor to you.
You are right it is. In fact, I am lucky to have these problems, I know I am. You must recognise this, I know you do.
Life repeats itself doesn’t it and none of us gets any wiser, it would seem we all go through the same lessons. Never really learning from whats gone before.
We are so busy living and doing we don’t notice life and don’t appreciate the details. You teach me this and keep me grounded.
I know sometimes I must act like a big deal and that I have all the answers to life and then I look at you and realise I know nothing.
It is you who are facing the biggest questions in life. My questions are small and are all to do with the here and now, they are immaterial.
I wish I could listen to the whispers of your mind, then I might better understand how you feel and how I can help. What lessons can I pass to my own children, will they be any different?
I remember when I was pregnant other women would tell me horror stories about the birth. There was nothing to do but go through with it the best way I knew how. I guess it’s the same now.
None of us really know how to do ageing right, we are all making it up as it goes along. Perhaps this is life?
Maybe this is what makes life exciting, we are all making it up as we go along and never really knowing where it will lead us. For each one of us, this is a different journey. This is our journey and we will make it the best it can be.
So from today let’s have as much fun as we can. I know you have taught me that we age but we never really get old inside, we are still young, we love, we care, we laugh, we cry, we are scared, we love music, animals, children, blue skies and beautiful scenery.
So we go on and we do the best that we can and we have fun, we are on this ride together and we always will be. I will be with you until the end.
Thank you, Dad, for all your love and wisdom.
I love you.
