How to Handle Confrontation

Being a manager, we have to deal with lots of confrontation at times. Whether it is giving constructive criticism or helpful guidance. People don't like being confronted and feeling like they are wrong. For example, today I had to reach out to another manager because my employees (all 3 of them) were having issues with the other manager's employees. I had no problem having a friendly conversation about it, but I felt nervous as all hell because I knew this manager would turn around and say that my employees have caused the same issues and that its a two way street.... and of course he did because he needed to defend his employees so he wouldn't feel wrong. I tried to lay the conversation out as not so much a finger pointing session but as a conversation that ended with a constructive solution. Instead of him being the bigger person and coming up with a solution for his employees, I had to come up with a solution for all parties..

In his defense, I have been on the other side, taking the criticism and here is a step by step of what I do when I catch myself getting defensive when someone is trying to help me (I wish I could've shared this with him but he is an older manager and I am a newer manager)

• Take a deep breathe to collect my thoughts
  This is something that doesn't happen enough today! When someone criticizes us, we want to react right away and shoot back a criticism to them instead of thinking through what was just shared to us. Take a breathe and take in what was just said instead of reacting right away.
• Try to understand why this person is criticizing you
  Most people criticize others to further their own agenda. You are doing something that is not letting them achieve their end plan. Remember, most of the time, they are not trying to personally attack you (especially in a work environment).
• Ask what you can do better
  If someone is going to criticize you, ask then ask what you can do to be better. Use this as a learning moment, whether you agree with the person criticizing you or not. They may teach you something you didn't know.
• Come up with a solution
  Think of something that lets the criticizing person know you're going to work on what it is they have an issue with, that way the conversation ends (if you're uncomfortable) and that person leaves knowing they may have helped you and themselves.

We live in a very selfish world, where everyone assumes the world revolves around them and that they can do no wrong and everything they think is right. We need to remember that we are all here together and that people should be there to help make us better, not bring us down. Hopefully this helps you if you're put in an uncomfortable confrontational situation.