Rating 5/5
AKA “How to Lockdown a Bottom Bitch”
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"I don't know where to begin"
“I thought I had gone to the limits, I hadn’t.”
Many people offer their insights to what Hellraiser is about, bad relationships, sexual savagery, boxes. All of that is wrong however, it’s about being handsome.
"It's Never Enough"
See, young Frank pictured above was an exceptional hot rod amongst the ladies. However, Frank discovered that just hanging and banging with the lady folk loses its luster after a while. So, he seeks adventure into the occult by acquiring a box said to open doors to the pleasures of heaven or hell.
The price for such exploration costs Frank his life, and during his pseudo resurrection; apparently his good looks as he’s now a goo boy unable to stand.
That’s okay because Frank has a plan to get his body back in to tip top shape by draining cuck boys dry, via his brother’s wife Julia.
That’s basically the gist of it, Julia was hard fucked by Frank seemingly the day before her wedding to Larry (Franks brother) and never got Frank out of her head. Later after moving into Frank's seemingly abandoned house, Julia discovers Frank as a goo boy and vows to help him.
Pinhead, the cenobites, and everything else is tacked on. Don’t take that as a criticism, as less is more in this case. It’s really a very simple story, that ages well the more time goes on.
"Doors to the pleasures of Heaven or Hell, I didn't care which."
Certainly, this and Hellraiser 2 are the defacto compendium on what a Hellraiser movie should be like. Though admittedly we love Hellraiser in Space, it’s a guilty pleasure.
It’s kind of hard for us to say anything about this movie that’s even funny, as it is a very serious affair. That won’t be the case going forward; well starting with part 3 atleast.
LOL See?
-Final Word –
MRHELLBOX: The movie is the origin of my namesake after all, so I really love it. As time has gone on, I’ve became a fan of Frank, minus the ending where he’s some pedo-incest-rapist. It’s mainly the actor and voice dub that elevates the character.
"I'm Frank, brother Frank!"
Outstanding performance, and honestly EVERYONE does an amazing job in this movie. You get treated with scene after scene of visual and acting delight. 10/10 (even though were on a 5 scale) 10/5
SCHLONG LONG: Julia is the epitome of a bottom bitch. No matter how far down the ladder you fall, she’s there to help pick you up. I would ask “Why didn’t Larry have babies falling out her ass all the time?” As you watch you realize that was never going to be possible.
Which is sad as you can tell Julia sort of, kind of cares for Larry; but can’t get over the sexual behemoth that was Frank. Remember the bro code, especially if you're really bros - Go diddle someone elses wife. 5/5
Drunken Master: It’s the Cadillac of Erotic Horror – Ashley Laurence (Kirstie) really knocked this out of the park. But she’s weird AF now tho….Like not even kidding listen to some of the shit she says, seems like she’s on pills but obviously it could be from old age. - 5/5
Prince Pectoral: If you are a young man, and you are looking for a good body build. Look no further than Frank or Tyler Durden in Fight Club. That’s how you finesse boy! - 5/5
Sources
All images were captured from https://archive.org/details/hraiser1678910 the exception of this from cinema choc
