Boarding House (1982) Review + Film

Rating: 5/5
AKA: The Room 1982: Play any football lately?
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Boarding House is Droppin’ Plots Like FTX Droppin’ Balls!

I’ll level with you, we often joke about viewers not being prepared for some of the movies we “endorse” (I guess we endorse them?) here on this quality entertainment blog.

But plebber, we really mean it this time, you... are... not... ready, see this is a man’s movie, and unless you got the guts mister, you better turn around now and watch some Reading Rainbow reruns. Lavar Burton might not judge you, but by God we do!

Boarding House (1982)

So essentially some telekinetic psycho kid escapes a mental institution and returns to the home where he committed his murders several years prior.

In his absence, our hero, and spiritual guru Jim has moved in, and he’s got a black belt in telekinetic kung fu too. Not only that he’s running his own version of the playboy mansion, acting like a super kind boyfriend / landlord to all the ladies that move in.

Then Jim teaches some girl how to harness the power of her mind and we see titties for about 2 hours (quality titties) Finally everything culminates with a wicked climax that looks like an excuse to showcase some incredibly high and intoxicated band.

I know that synopsis doesn’t sound anything like what we hyped up earlier, but trust me fam this is an experience.

You got subplots that get created and absolutely go nowhere and are never mentioned again. The main plot seemingly gets reworked on the fly like they couldn’t make up their mind how to finish or what horror trope they wanted to invest in.

It's like watching someone who decides they want to be a lawyer, then mid way thru makes a U-Turn and says “Ya know what, fuck it I’ll just work at the gas station instead!” and then tries to explain the logic of their decision to confused and disappointed family members.

“Shit, did you see that?”

But that’s where this film telekinetically spins its charm. It's the journey of unfulfilled or unintentional ambiguity surrounding characters and plots popping in and out like an unrehearsed sitcom.

It’s filmed like a grindhouse flick of which I’m sure that’s what it was intended to be, but though the blood, gore and wonky effects are decent for it’s time, (Actually they’re pretty good) it’s literally the chicks which are the selling point however, it’s not a big secret once you start watching.

Lotta’ heavy breathing in this film, like random breathing sounds as if someone is wearing a stocking over their head trying to get a peek at someone playing the Sega Genesis Mini 2. But it’s just someone watching the chicks or trying to do mind murder or some shit.

Our boy the Peeper was beside himself after this flick, never in a million years would he have thought they would have turned him into a character for a full-length motion picture extravaganza.

“It’s easy!”

-FINAL WORD-

MRHELLBOX – This is sleaze, this is trash, but it maintains a humble, and sophisticated air of after school feel good style television. I would totally hang out with Jim in the real world, you can learn a lot from a cat like that. Bonus, decent ass soundtrack makes for great drunk viewing – 5/5

DRUNKEN MASTER – A lot of random shit going on here folks, but I said godamn, I love it! You really do pick up on the Room like vibes with how the story is presented and just how fucking random things get pieced together. Jim > Bill Cosby – 5/5

THE PEEPER -