Rating: 5/5
AKA: BoooooooOOOooOOOOOOOOOy!!!!!
SOURCES AT THE BOTTOM
SPOILERS
Sometimes when you want food, you go to McDonalds, in fact we all pretty much go to places to eat we rather shouldn’t. It’s like that Krabby O’ Monday’s Episode in Spongebob.
Sure, the fast food has the base necessities to be edible and addictive in flavor, but it is never satisfying or rememberable, leaving you wanting something real, tangible even.
Phantasm isn’t just a satisfying experience, it’s thought provoking, fulfilling experience. This is what movies were meant to be pleb! So, get your popcorn bitch, and turn the lights down low, we’re going on a journey.
Phantasm (1979)
A group of 3 friends enjoying an idyllic summer, stumble across a bizarre conspiracy linking the local mortician to recent, shocking deaths around town.
As the group delves deeper, they discover that they're up against a seemingly invincible force, with an ever growing army of monsters, from a world beyond imagination.
This is the tits, 100%. Ill try to avoid spoilers where I can, but I don’t want this to be a half ass review where we don’t titillate your horror quiche.
First and foremost, if you’re reading this review, and have never seen this classic: Just fucking walk away, and either buy a physical copy (recommended) or just find the best uncut version to stream online.
I say this because many that fall in the unseen category just associate this movie with the flying silver balls that kill people.
While that is a component, THEY ARE NOT the main antagonist, but merely a tool of the series main baddie “The Tall Man”.
Every bit of this movie immerses you in the story Don Coscarelli has created. From the soundtrack, ambient noises, and cinematography.
Every act and plot point sets you up for wanting more. Even though the ending is a bit of a cliffhanger, you don’t feel cheated.
This is why we led off with the food analogy earlier. Here you are completely sated with this cinematic buffet, you know you have had your fill, and got your money’s worth.
Do yourself a favor and listen to the soundtrack. Here is one of the best nuggets ever and one many "Phans" (I think thats what these nuggets call themselves) always request Reggie and Jodie to play at conventions:
It’s a horror mystery more than it is anything else, which keeps you engaged from literally beginning (seriously) to end as you try to understand and ultimately solve what’s going on along with the group.
Very similar to Dawn of the Dead, Phantasm also pulls off that genuine feeling like you’re alongside these characters, experiencing this journey with them.
That mysterious recipe for suspension of disbelief pulls you into the story. It’s a wonderful feat and proof you can do that with any budget.
This film has the most random assortment of minions ever tied to a horror movie. But it’s pulled off amazingly here. Everything fits, nothing is out of place, and would make for one helluva haunted house attraction if setup properly.
Just an example of how much people loved this movie, they paid homage to it in games
-FINAL WORD-
MRHELLBOX – I said GODAMN!! I love it! There are 5 movies in the series, but I’m here to say this is the best out of all of them. You get so much movie packed into this motherfucker that you’ll just shit. – 5/5
DRUNKEN MASTER – Look for the tiny bar in this flick. For real this was a real pub back in the 70s. Reminds me of places overseas where you can essentially walk in a dark alley and find a bar the size of a broom closet in there somewhere tucked away! – 5/5
SCHLONG LONG – I was down to say I’d bang that Lady in Lavender chick, then we got the swerve….so I’ll be banging those other 2 chicks that hang out with Mike and Jodie instead. – 5/5
PRINCE PECTORALS – You know what, sometimes when you got greatness thrust upon you, you got to man up. That’s exactly what the soft body, soft serv ice cream man Reggie does here.
He's not jacked but bitch, he sure as fuck can jack you up with his never say die attitude. SNAG THAT TALL DUDE -5/5
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