They say that after you have a child you will know what love is but also what it feels like to have a constant worry. I just thought that the constant worry would be about things like “is she eating enough?” or “does she have enough friends?” Not about “what if she will get another seizure?” or “what if the MRI shows something even worse?”
During the day I'm watching her every move analysing if something has changed. During the night I'm sitting next to her bed staring at her, waiting for the next seizure, ready to call an ambulance. How much is she suffering? Does she have pains that she can't explain? If I fall asleep for a short time, I wake up hoping that I had a terrible nightmare. Then I feel the pressure on my chest again and I know this is really happening.
At the moment I feel like I'm sinking. I'm trying to paddle back to the surface but no matter how hard I try, I can't even see the sunlight. Am I even going in the right direction? I don't think I can hold my breath too much longer.
This is not how I planned to come back to Steemit.
Hugs, Momone
