When I am home in the winter, I don’t have much of a social life beyond the sphere of my family. And I’ve had a hard time writing because I’m only able to write with any truth or interest about my own experiences and it feels like a betrayal to write anything less than flattery about my family situation. I do love them. I do feel grateful for my time with them. I do struggle to feel fulfilled or inspired in this space.
My one getaway, after a cold winter, has been to visit friends in Arizona. There, I still worried immensely about the happenings at home, but I also had fun. Fun in the sun.
I wonder if a lack of sunshine and warmth — or possibly the clouds themselves — have added to the clouding of my brain. In AZ, the air was clear. I went on many hikes with my two best friends. The 7 Falls hike in Tucson was a favorite.
The saguaro cacti are said to have spirits within them. After spending time in their presence, I am certain this is true. There is a presence present you mustn’t be made aware of anymore than it must be made aware of you.
I didn’t expect to see waterfalls in the desert. The water was ice cold, melted snow. I jumped in anyways. I dried myself on the rocks, eating trashy snacks like Doritos & Cheetos. I smiled with strangers and laughed with my friends. I can hardy wait to return — or maybe to have the sunshine find me here.
xx Monique
