The so-called toxic relationships are built by the need of dependence on harmful behavior patterns that have their origin in childhood. The first step to break them is to accept that the problem is not the other, but our internal emotionality.
Let's talk about a case:
Gloria decided to return with Pedro despite his celopathy. In three years of relationship she has left him four times for his obsessive jealousy. The cause of the last break was her accusations of infidelity after she took 20 minutes longer than usual to get home. Pedro always took the time and that delay made him assure that she was with another man. So why did Gloria decided to give Pedro another chance? Not because she depends emotionally on him; Gloria depends on an emotional prototype.
Another interesting case is this:
Daniel, for the third time is with a woman who behaves like her mother. She is the one who makes the decisions in the relationship and about his life, who, as he did with his mother, ends up doing what he wants in secret from his girlfriend.
This type of relationship is very common and has a great characteristic and is to keep people in a kind of compulsion to repeat maternal or paternal behaviors.
In general, people build their ideals based on the characteristics of their father figures. Those who, in their adulthood, develop a compulsion to repeat behaviors, most likely seek couples that meet the negative characteristics of their parents. Even when they criticize their mother or their father, they look for couples with very similar characteristics, for example, of an alcoholic father, a drinking boyfriend; of an overprotective mother, a dominant girlfriend.
The previous explanation has its roots in the first studies of Freudian psychology, at the beginning of the 20th century. The interesting thing from the psychic point of view is that what is repeated is the pattern. So, the person changes partners, the next will have the same characteristics that feed their dependence. Why does this happen? The answer is because the tendency for the repetition of paternal prototypes in couples may be not to deal with psychotherapy that maternal-paternal relationship of childhood. By making the origin of the trend conscious, the person can break the circle of dependence more easily.
No person becomes ciliopathic, addicted or violent in the space of a few months. From the beginning of every relationship, people show, often without wanting to, their way of being. "Letting go" a harmful behavior or reaction is opening the door to the development of a toxic relationship that can end in a dependency.
If a harmful attitude is allowed at the beginning, the relationship will most likely become toxic. Now, the problem is not the other person who does you the damage, if not you who decide to be with people like that. People immersed in this type of relationship should seek help individually.
Many people justify continuing with someone who hurts them for economic reasons. It is common to hear how "I cannot leave because I do not get what I earn or because I do not have work." In these cases, the economic is the conscious excuse to an unconscious psychological problem. Dependence is any emotional case.
There are many types of toxic relationships based on forms of emotional dependence. The real problem is the tendency to compulsively repeat behaviors that we can consciously criticize but which in our psyche are imposed as patterns to follow. Through psychotherapy, you can get help to create awareness at the source of the dependencies and thus be able to overcome them.
