I think most of us have heard stories about things like these. I mean, it's a common topic of conversation among aging humans, and one that as uncomfortable as it may be to think about, we must think about for our own sake.
Among the things I've been hearing about, the one thing that keeps on coming back to my head these days is the idea of suffering. More so because when people have been dealing with a relative with Alzeimer, and see their loved cross the rainbow, they tend to express it along the lines of sweet release.
My X is no longer suffering... he/she can finally be free.
It's never truly bothered me, so please don't take this like a critique of sorts. God knows none of us truly know how to handle loss like stoics, but alas we try our best.
All that being said, I'm coming to the personal realization that the suffering is really one sided, and it may come from unrealistic expectations mostly.
You see, and I'm sorry to share, as far as I can tell my grandmother is quite happy. She may have no clue who I am at times, or where she lives. She might not even remember simple words like "chair", but she can smile the whole time pretending everything is just alright.
On the flip side of things, I see my family frustrated at times, attempting to come to grips with the fact that grandma behaves like a little girl. A forgetful little girl who just wants to do as she pleases and has the energy to go about it.
It's precisely why I say expectations are the problem, because attempting to tell her for the 100th time that feeding her food to the dogs is not OK, only aids our own frustrations. The message goes in, rattles about, and goes out without moving a needle in the slightest.
I have discovered a neat trick to make her return to her old self for minute or so, and just like the movies, it truly does work. Her being a music lover, and one that spent most of her life dancing, it's the sounds of her favorite songs that bring about the biggest smiles in her face.
As a matter of fact, last night, she sang Nat King Cole's hit "Perhaps", as if the library of lyrics in her head still has books on the shelf. It was beautiful to see, and it made me smile in turn.
But again, she's not suffering, and that's why I'm saying that at least for me, this experience has been completely different from what I expected.
One day, probably soon, she will leave us and hopefully join my grandpa in another plane. But I'm feeling kind of grateful she can live out the rest of her days smiling, even if she has no clue what my name is anymore.
MenO
