I often think to myself, like so many other people, 'what is life all about?' We're born, we go to school, learn, graduate, get a job, fall in love, get married, have children, work some more, and then die.
No one knows what happens after death and does anybody really like thinking about it? I mean there's no proof that there's life after death and who knows, maybe there is. But until I die what's the point of us being here?
I've come to the conclusion that there really is no point. We're not improving the Earth by any means, we're slowly killing it.
So, instead of complaining about the life I have or wishing for things to get better, I've realised the change I need to make is within myself. I can't live my best life if I'm unhappy. As far as I know we only get one life and however pointless it may seem it's all we've got.
I haven't felt genuinely happy in a long time, 4 years to be exact. I know why and I know how I can be happy again, I've just got to get off my ass and do it myself. You get nothing from this life by being lazy.
If you want money, you go out there, work hard and earn it. If you want love, search for it, don't wait for it to magically happen. If you want to lose weight and feel amazing, join a gym or start eating healthy. It's a lot easier said than done but we all know it can be done.
Any change in this world starts with you. I've been blind and lazy. I've always waited for happiness to find me but I know now it's me who needs to find it.
I've booked myself flights back to England in November. It's my best friends 21st and I honestly couldn't miss it. Since arriving in Melbourne, Australia I haven't been happy.
Happier times in England
Depression grabbed me as soon as the wheels of the plane touched the ground at Tullamarine Airport, since then I haven't fully got out of its grasp. I have made memories here but none of them are good. The friends I made stayed around for a couple of years but now they're nowhere to be found. Loneliness is a silent killer.
So, until November I'm going to keep going. I'm going to join a gym, eat healthy and hopefully get into shape (fingers crossed). My now ex boyfriend is in the process of moving into another room so I can fully focus on myself.
The phrase 'it's me not you' never made sense to me until I experienced it for myself. It's true that if you're not happy with yourself then you shouldn't be in a relationship as it brings the both of you down.
Time to get my shit together.
Until next time,
Meliss
