I grew up with my Dad and Grandma smoking cigarettes constantly. My friends parents smoked, everyone smoked. Infact, I think my Mum was about the only person who didn't smoke... So, of course, when I was about 14, year 8 I think, and my friend offered me one, I said yes. I can't say I was 'hooked' as such, I mean, I coughed, everyone laughed, and I stunk! But I still did it.
Day in, day out, my same friend would offer me a smoke in the school toilets, and day in, day out, I said yes. Before I knew it, it wasn't just as school, I was trying to sneak them in at home, too. This lead me to find out that one of my brothers smoked aswell. Well, this was almost like a green light...I mean, we were in it together now, and if I got caught, so did he.
So now, 15+ years later... Married, kids, pets, a house, and yep, you guessed it...still smoking!
I've tried to quit a couple if times, with varying degrees of 'success', but each time, ultimately, I've failed. I've tried 'cold turkey' a couple and never lasted longer than about 6 hours. (will power...what's that!?) I've tried the Champix tablets twice. The first time my brother got them for me, as the cost was almost halved with his Health Care Card. He grabbed the first months worth, and then left for Italy. I was doing well, until I ran out and he wasn't back yet. The second time on the Champix, it made me go a little cuckoo and gave me horrible nightmares. Both of these are well known side effects, but I had to stop. I was putting my job at risk with my behaviour, so back to the smokes.
One time I was so sick in hospital that 4 weeks had passed with out a cigarette and I'd barely noticed. But still, first chance I got, I picked up another packet. It's probably hard to imagine for non-smoker, but the hold that these little, expensive, cancer sticks have over people is bloody crazy!
Another time, I got pretty serious. I spent close to $300 on these little tablets to help me quit. I was sold on the fact that they were completely natural, and had none of the crazy side effects that Champix had. They were fantastic!! After 4 days I didn't want to smoke and gave them up easily. For the first time in YEARS, I felt almost like a non smoker. Three months down and I got a little drunk, and a bit cocky. I thought I could control myself, and have just one. Boy was I wrong...just one, and the whole cycle was set back in motion. Back to being a smoker.
With out will power and nicotine replacement therapies, I've resigned to the fact that I'm probably always going to be a smoker. If it is any consolation, with each quitting effort I've cut down my intake dramatically. I actually only smoke about 5-8 cigarettes a day. But still, it's enough to keep that nicotine in my system, and for it continue to have it over me. I even got the flu a few weeks back (like the REAL influenza, not just a nasty cold) and it floored me. I could barely move, or eat and drink, but yep, I still managed to smoke.
It's actually really frustrating when you know you're stupid for doing something, and you know it's harming you, but you just can't stop!! It's been a huge mental battle for years!
Now, just over a week ago, I had a rough week financially and ran out of tobacco. I'm not sure exactly what's changed or why, but suddenly I've found my will power. I had my last cigarette, went to work and haven't purchased another pack. The first morning was a slight struggle, drinking coffee with no cigarette in the other hand, but I had no money and no choice anyway. The following day, we'd been paid, but I'd already been over 24 hours with out one...I couldn't!!
I'm now 9 days down and feeling GREAT! I have to say, I don't know why, but this time has been so easy! I think I've had about 4 or 5 cravings in that whole time, which I've managed to beat. I feel fantastic. I'm sure there will be more cravings in the future, and different situations where I feel like I can handle it, but I'm not going to let them beat me. This is it. I'm done!
