It was late afternoon and I was sharing a fine shiraz from the Americas with Roger Armintage. He is a reliable sort for an afternoon snifter despite being cursed with a face like a well skelped arse.
We lamented the lack of character that permeated the working classes these days. Roger frothed at the mouth at the impertinence of his chimney sweep.
Bloody fellow complained I hadn't paid him for three months?!
How churlish, did you tell him thats not how a gentleman plays tennis?
Absolutely old bean, I gave him a sound beating with my stick and told him 'There's your bloody dinner.'
A kindly response in anyone's book. He has always had a big heart Roger. Bizarrely small hands but a big heart. I mean the hands are ridiculous, he could hold an eggcup and it would look like a bucket.
But of course, that brings me to my good natured charity work for Steemit. Advisements for the needy. What better way to demonstrate my own big heart than to show these advisements I have disbursed completely free of charge. One could say at cost to myself!
Without further ado let me tear open the missives from near and far.
SpamFarmer1: I liked that picture of you on the horse.
Uncle Boom: And what the blazes do you mean by that? Did it give you cause to masturbate? What a frightening prospect, you tugging away on your todger as Uncle Boom rides masterfully toward you.
You are a sick puppy and no mistake. Take your hand from your Thomas and get out of my sight!
Hmmph, I shan't tolerate masturbation. Next.
SpamFarmer2: As a trader are you buying EOS in the crowdsale?
Uncle Boom: EOS?? EOS?!? What in the blazes is that? Is that the donkey from Winnie the Pooh? Are you suggesting that a man of my caliber wants to buy a donkey?
A man like me doesn't buy donkeys. A man like me buys stallions and each stallion he buys has to prove its worth by fighting me naked in the pit.
SpamFarmer2: No words.
Uncle Boom: Well if you have no more words donkey man, get the hell off my internet, lest I get the cold steel out.
Well that was a peculiar week. There seemed to be an equine theme to the questions. Each to their own and all that, although I will reiterate that masturbating and horsemanship should never be a thing that goes hand in hand.
If you need advice, preferably non horse or penis related, then please knock me up in the chats. And remember.