Alright Chief!
Chirped my back neighbour.
When I say back neighbour I don't literally mean he was calling out from my arse. No, he was the neighbour whose property sided with the back of my garden.
He leaned over the fence which, as we were on a hill was only about 5 feet high on his side but about 8 feet high on mine.
I grimaced and looked up from where I was digging a big funking hole.
Aye aye, Cheesy.
I called him Cheesy because he looked the sort to have a cheesy penis.
You digging down to Australia!
He laughed as if he has told an absolutely amazing joke. I made a gurgling noise in reply as if drowning in brown phlegm.
No, man. Just saw this gap at the fence and thought it would be cool to plant something in the space.
I smiled with genuine pleasure at the thought of the planting to come.
You do love planting stuff up here. That stuff over there grew really tall. In fact...
Cheesy looked at the fence that separated our gardens as if realising for the first time that on my side there were giant growing things that blocked their view of our garden all along it.
Except for this one last gap.
This is the only bit left we can talk to each other.
He looked worried. As if he would really hate to not be able to peer into my garden with his little lizard eyes.
It is isn't it!
I jammed my shovel into the earth and it made that reassuring kerckick noise that shovels always do in movies when someone has to dig their own grave.
So, whatcha planting?
Cheesy eyes darted about in search of clues.
I grinned up at him.
What's that?
He asked, his eyes sweating in their grimy little sockets.
It's a giant bamboo. It can grow up to ten meters tall!!
Ten meters!?
Cheesy balked as he looked up into the sky as if peering up a giant beanstalk.
Ten meters. It's bushy as fuck as well. Amazing eh!
I did a little jig from side to side with the excitement of it all.
Christ, we won't be able to look in and talk to you guys at all by the sounds of it!? I hope you're not trying to tell us something??
He looked down at me, his face a lobsters arse of mixed emotions.
I looked back up at him, grinning massively like a tiger chasing a prostitute.
Oh no mate, I just love growing tall shit you know that.
Our eyes locked for a moment before he queasily turned away.
Ok, cool. See you later, mate.
I watched his head bob out of sight and let out a mad cackle.
See you later?? I don't think so my cheesy nobbed friend. Once this bastard grows, I'll never have to see you ever again...
I dropped the shovel and cocked my hands on my hips in classic superhero villain style.
Mohohowaaahr!!!
