BoomDawg, is that you?
El Jefe stared out peevishly from my phone screen.
I frowned deeply at El Jefe as if he were complaining that my jobbies were too smooshy to make candles with.
Of course it's fucking me, who else would it be?
I decided on the polite approach as it was very early in the morning and I couldn't be doing with a big boss fight first thing.
In fact it wasn't just very early, it was ridiculously early. Half-past six to be precise, I had literally just rolled out of bed when the Teams video call popped up on my phone.
I had been tempted to ignore it but whilst El Jefe was a braying donkey of a man he was still technically my boss and it might be urgent.
Maybe he was calling to announce that I was getting a big rise?
El Jefe leaned in close to his screen, he must have been using his phone because I got a rather unsavoury close up view of his nostrils.
My penis, ever the traitor, twitched inquisitively at the hairy vagina'ness of them.
BoomDawg, there is shit going down in Poland.
El Jefe squawked urgently.
Boss man, its half fucking six. What fucking shit could possibly be going down at half six?
I shook my head wearily as if once again having to throw lamb's testicles into my neighbours garden to attract foxes.
It might be half fucking six here but have you any idea the time over there?! It's.. It's... Well, it must be the middle of the day or something?!
El Jefe made an odd panicky gargling noise as if the Spartans had just breached the gates and were coarsely waving their weapons at him.
Boss-Man. They are only an hour ahead. That mean's it's half seven. So, I don't think there can possibly be 'shit going down in Poland.'
El Jefe grunted as he raised himself to his feet and started pacing about.
Disapprovingly, I noted that his phone hand flapped about weakly as if it were held in the hand he didn't masturbate with. Didn't he know it was good practice to swap hands when feeding the birds?
They are stating they can't access the test tool. They are going to bill us for this. If they can't access the tools required for the job then it's our neck that's on the line?!
A strange noise came over the phone as if El Jefe had started sobbing.
Relax, mate. There is a downtime slot today, remember? Some upgrade nonsense. The system will be available from eight. There was an email.
El Jefe gasped and looked at me beseechingly.
There was an email?
He sputtered hopefully like a Greek man in a golden sea.
Yup.
I said making a strained face.
Oh well, that's fine. I will throw that back to them. Hey, BoomDawg, are you ok?
El Jefe peered forward at his screen.
I grimaced slightly then relaxed. There was a large plopping sound as if an otter had just dived into a river.
Yeah, I'm fine now, ta.
I grunted,
Incidentally, why is the wall behind you so shiny?
El Jefe looked puzzled as if he was only just noticing my surroundings.
The walls? Oh, that's the tiles. I'm in the toilet. On the pan to be precise. You caught me at my morning shit.
I made an apologetic face followed by one of surprise as another otter leapt gleefully into the deep.
El Jefe closed his eyes and took a deep breath then hung up.
I smiled. This was a good start to the day.