Can I have some cereal?
The Little Lady asked.
I made a fatherly farting noise with my face and looked up from my Kindle.
Eh? Course you can. You don't have to ask.
I went back to reading.
Out of the corner of my eye, the Little Lady went into the kitchen, fannied about and returned with a bowl of cereal.
Ew, the bowl is oily underneath!
She said as if I were making her wear hessian.
There must have been something on the worktop.
I said absentmindedly. My book was getting to a good bit and children's oily concerns were far from my mind.
The Little Lady's spoon clinked away as she ate. It didn't take her long to finish and she took her bowl to the kitchen and came back.
I'm tired, Daddy, aren't you?
She rubbed her eyes.
I nodded in agreement. It had been a rough night. The Little Boom had suffered from shrieking nightmares which had kept us all awake for most of the night.
Damn, my book really was getting good. One of the kids in it was going to...
AAAARGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
I jerked upward to see the little lady screaming and holding her face.
WTFUNKZ!? Are you ok. What happened??
I jumped off the chair toward her.
She leapt back still clutching her face.
At that point the Good Lady came rushing in.
What's going on? What happened!?
MY EYES!? THEY'RE BURNING!!!
Yelled the Little Lady.
The Good Lady ran over to her and pulled her hands gently away from her eyes.
Her eyes were quite red and watering. The Good Lady turned to me alarmed.
What can it be!?!
I racked my brains. Then it dawned on me.
Haha!!! Chilli paste!! I made chilli paste earlier! She must have touched some, she did say the bottom of her bowl was oily!
I couldn't help but chortle a bit, chilli in the eye was something that had happened to me a lot over the years.
The Little Lady let a yell that topped all the rest.
AM I DYING!?!
I stifled my laughter, leapt up and got some dry kitchen paper.
Here dab the tears from your eyes and blink lots.
Owww!! Ow, ow, owwww!
The Good Lady was swaying backwards and forwards and now she was holding the heels of her hands on her eyes too.
My eyes, Daddy, you idiot!!!!
I passed her some kitchen paper and repeated my advice.
WILL IT LAST FOREVER!?!
Yelled the Little Lady.
Nah, give it ten minutes. You will both be fine.
I said reassuringly.
Sure enough, ten minutes later, the screaming had just about stopped. The Good Lady managed to focus on me with a watery eye.
Daddy-Bear, are you actually laughing at all this?
She said grimly.
What!?! Oh no... Not I?!
I lied.
The Good Lady gave me a dark look and nodded.
We will talk later. When they have gone to bed.
She hissed.
Ah. I think I might be in trouble.